How to Overcome Your Fear of Rejection

A girl giving you the fingerGetting rejected by a woman is probably the biggest fear for most men when they are approaching her. It’s the leading cause for approach anxiety. For some, the fear of rejection can become so intense and terrifying, that they will think of any excuse possible just to avoid taking action and going to interact with the girl they like.

To be fair, getting rejected can be harsh. It can really mess with you and give you a feeling of inferiority. It can make you an anti-social person and ruin your life – that is, if you let it.

 

Why Not Approaching Is Bad for You

I once went to a night club with a somewhat timid friend. As soon as we got in, he headed straight for the bar and ordered a drink. After that he just stood there, with his drink in his hand, watching women walk by. So I tried to convince him to come with me and talk to some of them. As you can already imagine, he refused. Every time I gave him a reason why he should do it, he had a convenient excuse ready why he can’t.

Now, what makes this story weird is the fact that he didn’t even disagree with me. He totally understood what I was telling him and didn’t try to argue with me, but still managed to find enough reasons not to approach.

I hope you already know where I’m heading with this story. His fear of rejection was so strong that he decided just to stand there and watch me interact with different women, even when he knew that he should have done the same. The saddest part about this story is that he will never start to approach women if he doesn’t take action to overcome his anxieties and insecurities.

Pretty girl on white backgroundI’m going to be honest with you. There is not much I can tell you that will change your behavior overnight. There are no magical words to “cure you” of approach anxiety or fear of rejection. Even if you agree with me 100% here, your fear of rejection will not disappear that easily. The only way to overcome these fears is to go out and gather reference experiences, and this takes time. You are in the wrong place here if you are looking for an instant solution. Every significant change in your psyche takes time.

Before moving on, I want you to accept one thing:  rejection will happen to you. Now, this may sound harsh but take it into consideration that even guys who teach pick-up and have been in the game for a very long time still get rejected.

The more you approach, the more you will see rejection. And it’s totally okay to be scared. Don’t beat yourself up about it. Getting rejected is not a bad thing. Once you accept that, it gets easier. You will not be so scared anymore when approaching different women and won’t care if you get rejected. And here is the kicker: because your attitude towards rejection is different, you will get rejected less.

 

How to Deal with Rejection

The secret of dealing with rejection is not to let it get to you. If you manage to keep your emotional state calm before approaching and after getting rejected, the fear that usually comes in these stages will start to disappear. Getting rejected will help you to learn from your failures. It will improve your approach and lessen the anxiety when interacting with a girl.

You will eventually learn that whenever you get rejected, it’s not always because you did something wrong. Sometimes it has nothing to do with how you look or what you do. So, when you get rejected, don’t take it personally. Women have hundreds of different reasons why they rejected you and none of them have anything to do with who you are (that is, if you aren’t being a total dick to them).

To conclude this long mess of an article and to give you a better understanding what the hell I’m talking about, let me give you two examples of the behaviors of different men. One of them is your average Joe who approaches girls rarely (if ever) and takes rejection dead seriously and the other is an alpha male who doesn’t give a shit if he gets rejected or not.

The average Joe always hesitates before an approach. He tries to convince himself why he’s worthy to approach the girl. He gives her too much value and too little to himself. He thinks of all the things he could say to her and how she would respond. Finally, when he has mustered up enough courage to approach her, he walks over. He mumbles something (something she doesn’t even understand) and tries nervously and desperately to hold her attention. She does not respond the way he hoped to and turns away from him. He has just gotten rejected. As he is walking away, he is devastated because he missed “his big chance” and hopes no one saw his approach. He probably won’t approach girls for a long time anymore and to make himself feel better, he might even call her a bitch (behind her back of course).
 
The alpha guy sees a woman he likes and starts, without hesitation, walking straight towards her. Nothing will stop him now, and the possibility of getting rejected won’t even enter his mind. Like everyone, he might have some fear when he approaches, but he doesn’t let it get to him. When he opens the conversation, all the girl sees is his confident posture and relaxed attitude. From the outside, there is no trace of fear left in him. Even when he gets rejected, he won’t care and start over-analyzing why this happened to him. He won’t care if other people saw his “embarrassing” approach. He knows that she was just one girl and many women would be happy to meet him. He finds another one he likes and approaches her.

The difference between the average Joe and the alpha? It only depends on how anyone can deal with rejection and approach anxiety. If you can brush it off like it’s nothing, you won’t become so outcome dependent and have more success in general. You will be more confident and free to act the way you want to.

So, all I can tell you here is to start approaching regardless of how hard it feels. If you do it regularly, you start to enjoy it and your fears will fade. You maybe never lose your fear completely, but you will learn to deal with it. Don’t let your fear dictate your behavior, learn to overcome it. Remember, the only way you can avoid rejection and anxiety that comes with it is to stop interacting with women altogether. Do you really want to take that step?

 

Want a Better Solution?

Now, if this didn’t give you the solution you wanted and you need a more hands-on approach to dealing with this topic, I would suggest for you to take a look at Mark Manson’s course about overcoming anxiety and insecurity. It can really help you to overcome the fear of rejection and the anxieties and insecurities you have to deal with.

How to Overcome Your Fear of Rejection
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2016-11-05T19:54:56+00:00

11 Comments

  1. Full Report January 31, 2017 at 10:45 pm - Reply

    Really enjoyed this blog post.Much thanks.

  2. cat793 December 20, 2016 at 1:03 pm - Reply

    Interesting article. I find rejection so painful that I have ended up avoiding women altogether for 16 years. I convinced myself until recently that I was OK with that. Now I realise I have been totally misguided and need to haul myself back up. Not a pleasant situation. With the benefit of hindsight it would have been much less upsetting to experience some rejection as opposed to celibacy! What makes it worse is that in my 20s I was just as bad but forced myself to cope with rejection and had a lot of success but somehow lost motivation and ended back in the rut.

    • John December 20, 2016 at 3:14 pm

      In reply to cat793: Yours is probably the best example what happens if you let the fear of rejection dictate your life. But glad to hear that now you at least have decided to do something about it.

  3. Mark September 26, 2016 at 12:48 am - Reply

    Thanks for sharing this info.

  4. Twersky February 19, 2016 at 7:21 am - Reply

    I was able to find nice information from this article.

  5. Maik February 12, 2016 at 2:51 pm - Reply

    Hello! I just would like to give a huge thumbs up for the great info you have here on this post.

  6. Fabian February 11, 2016 at 8:46 pm - Reply

    I’m impressed, I must say. Really rarely do I encounter a blog that’s both educative and entertaining, and let me tell you, you have hit the nail on the head. Your idea is outstanding; the issue is something that not enough people are speaking intelligently about. I am very happy that I stumbled across this in my search for something relating to this.

  7. Fukuda December 19, 2015 at 6:21 pm - Reply

    I simply want to mention I loved this article. Thank you John!

  8. Ralph February 18, 2015 at 8:29 pm - Reply

    Although I dont agree with everthing what you wrote, I still have to agree with you. Good post, keep it up!

  9. dave February 1, 2013 at 1:02 am - Reply

    I thought I recognized the redhead ( maybe just her greeting). Let the women approach, then THEY can do it regularly,THEY will start to enjoy it,THEIR fears will fade,then THEY will overcome this fear and approach men all the time and get used to being rejected.
    I don’t think women would like that!

  10. Twitter23 January 22, 2013 at 11:48 am - Reply

    Hi, just wanted to say i liked this article. it was practical. keep on posting.

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