Whenever you meet a new woman you really like, there usually comes a phase where you can’t stop thinking about her. No matter how much you want to distract yourself, she’s always on your mind and it drives you crazy when you can’t be with her. Now, unless she feels exactly like you, this relationship will head downhill pretty fast.
For the sake of this article, let’s avoid all the obvious reasons (like incompatibility, cheating, the lack of chemistry, wanting different things etc.) why most relationships usually fail. Instead, let’s shift our focus on the male and his behavior. To be precise: how his behavior in the beginning stages of the relationship ruins it.
For the majority of men, the start of the relationship will look something like this: boy meets girl, boy becomes mesmerized by the girl, girl notices his sudden change of behavior and starts to pull away, boy tries even harder to win her over, girl loses all interest and gives him the “let’s just be friends” talk, boy is confused and heartbroken. And this is usually how many relationships end before they even had a real chance to begin.
So, let’s take a look at this interaction to see, where it all went wrong. Also, if you want a step-by-step system that teaches you how to make someone your girlfriend, I recommend taking a look at this: The Girlfriend Activation System.
Why It All Goes Wrong, and How to Fix It
Whenever you meet a girl, don’t start fantasizing about what a great and awesome person she is when you hardly know her. You are projecting your fantasies onto her and making her special in your mind. Whether she is special or not is besides the point; because you perceive her as someone very special, you start to give her traits that she probably doesn’t even have.
The problem with this kind of thinking is that your perception of the other person becomes biased – you only see the positive qualities and totally ignore the other person’s flaws. When you finally “wake up” from this state, you are going to be in for a heck of a disappointment. Like every normal person, she has flaws, and she can’t possibly live up to your unrealistic expectations.
But usually, a woman won’t even let you to get to this stage where you can find her flaws. Because you find her so amazing, you will dedicate all your attention to her. And when a woman feels suffocated by a man’s attention (someone she just met), she will try to end it right there. That’s why so many men fail at this stage – they are too forward with their intentions and come off as desperate and needy.
But since it’s too late and these guys are at the stage where they feel that they let “the perfect one” slip out of their reach, obsession starts to creep in. They will try even harder to “get her back” and she will try to distance herself even further (obvious hint) until she can’t take it anymore and ends it completely.
The best thing to do here is to try and keep yourself grounded. Don’t let your emotions get the best of you so you can’t think straight anymore. Find many distractions that will keep your mind off of her. That’s also why gurus in the seduction community advice guys to date many women at the same time – you will have many women to choose from and won’t obsess over one.
Now, let’s assume that instead of all your flaws (your neediness and insecurities) everything works out well and you get to the stage where you become exclusive with a girl. By now you must be in the safe zone, right? Wrong! Since you are still insecure, everything she does without you will seem like a threat to your fragile relationship and this, in turn, makes you desperate.
At this point, when a man becomes desperate, his ugliest behaviors start to surface: he thinks that since now they are in a relationship, he has the right to control her and keep her away from the outside influences that might threaten it. Because he has no real drive in life and she is his only source of happiness, he will do anything to keep it that way. He will go to extreme lengths to keep her from seeing other people or spending time apart from him.
This, however, makes her feel suffocated and she starts to look for a way out of the relationship to get her freedom back; and this is usually where the horror stories start.
Like you can see, in both these examples, the real reason for the failed relationship was the needy and desperate behavior of the man. If he wouldn’t have been so overly emotionally invested in the relationship, then everything might just have worked out fine.
What Can You Actually Do?
To not fall into this kind of negative mindset, you have to develop a positive attitude. You have to learn that your happiness can’t depend on the women you meet. Like I said it in my previous article, find a passion for yourself, something that gives you a feeling of independence and accomplishment so you won’t need a woman to make yourself happy.
When you don’t depend on the woman for happiness, you will eliminate neediness from your life and you will have healthy and lasting relationships. To get a better idea how to do that, you should seriously consider getting the Girlfriend Activation System.