How to Get a Girlfriend: The Step-by-Step Guide

Boyfriend embracing girlfriendDo you want to get a girlfriend who is beautiful, intelligent and awesome? I mean, someone really special? A person you could call your dream girl; hell, even marriage material? Well then, here is the guide to get this kind of girl.

But before we start, you have to realize something. Nothing in life that’s worth a damn will come easy. So don’t expect your dream girl just to walk into your life after finishing this article. You need to start taking decisive action towards this goal, or it will never become a reality. If you aren’t ready to do this, then just stop reading, because this article isn’t for you!

Ready to take action? Good! Then here is how you get your dream girl…

 

The Mindset That Gets You a Girlfriend

One reason why so many guys are still single is because they are too eager. Whenever they meet a girl who might consider them boyfriend material, they become obsessed with her and mess it up by trying to rush into a relationship as fast as possible. They’re in fact so willing to make the jump, that they try to seal the deal with the very first one that comes along. Often, though, this is a terrible idea.

Getting a girlfriend is a process that should take some time. Therefore, expecting to find one fast is not going to work. A girl with a healthy mindset will never want to hurry into a relationship with a total stranger. She wants to feel it happening naturally, but there is nothing natural about rushing. That’s why you need to have discipline and patience if you want her as your girlfriend. Try to move things too fast, and you will soon find yourself alone again, searching for a new one.

Your very first step to getting a girlfriend should be to change the way you think. That’s also why I always advise guys to get their shit together if they want to be in a healthy, balanced relationship. By doing this, most of their problems will take care of themselves, and finding the right girl becomes easier.

Like already mentioned, some guys try to rush into a relationship. The reason why that’s bad is because it will tell a girl immediately what kind of man she’s dealing with – someone who is desperate. And if you didn’t know this yet, then you should know that girls don’t consider desperate men attractive nor relationship material. If she meets a guy who is too eager to get into a relationship with her, she will simply reject him.

Desperate people are very needy and clingy. This leads to much negativity once they’re in a relationship – something most women don’t want to deal with. But that’s not all, a woman with a healthy mindset doesn’t want a man who worships the ground she walks on or makes her his sole reason for happiness. She wants someone she can admire; someone she considers as “the price.”

So, your first step to getting a great girlfriend is to eradicate your desperate, needy, scarcity mentality. You need to rid yourself of the mindset that women are rare and you will lose your chance if you don’t act immediately. Take care of this problem and you will notice that girls will start to react more positively towards you. That’s because you aren’t only taking anymore, but actually giving back. But if you still have a hard time wrapping your head around this concept, then consider the following scenario:

What would you do if a beggar walked up to you on the street asking for your money? Would you immediately give it to him? And would you want to hang around with this person? With someone who always wants something from you, but never gives anything back? Probably not. You would stay away from such a person because they offer you no real value.

Pretty girl on orange backgroundAnd you know why I brought up this example? Because that’s you, if you show women how desperate for their affection you are. You’re the beggar who always takes and never gives back. But if you actually learn to give her more than you take and show her that you are valuable, she will want to stick around.

To rid yourself of this desperate behavior around women, you first need to be cool with the idea of being alone. Don’t believe what you hear from movies or pop songs; you don’t actually need someone to be happy. That’s bullshit! You should always be your own source of happiness. If you aren’t happy, then find something that makes you happy, because this is your responsibility. Don’t expect someone else (your girlfriend) to do it for you.

You need to have a bigger goal in life. Something that will make you feel worthwhile. If you don’t have one, then find it. Some men hit the gym and work their ass off to get the perfect physique. Others set themselves a goal to become financially secure and wealthy. Some just travel to see and learn about the world. And then there are even guys who try to change the world by doing volunteer work that gives them a feeling of accomplishment in life.

Do you have to do one of these? Of course not! But you have to find something that drives you. Something that is important to you. Something you wouldn’t sacrifice even if you got into a relationship. Because that’s the problem with a lot of guys these days, they don’t really feel worthy of the girl they want. They get into a relationship and make her the mission. And since they have nothing to offer, they try to make up for it with materialistic things or fulfilling her every wish to keep her happy.

But this is not what she wants! She wants to be part of your life. She wants you to take her along for the ride and feel safe knowing you are in control, and that nothing can steer you away from your course (not even her). This is when she will feel that you are the man she wants.

Once you find your life goal and actively pursue it, you will learn to be happy on your own, to be truly satisfied just being alone. And then you will lose your desperation. Then you will also learn, that you have a lot to give and know that every girl would be lucky to have you. Because you don’t actually need a woman (remember, I said need, not want). And women can sense that in you and will find you extremely attractive.

If you want to get into a healthy relationship with a girl you like, you have to adopt the mindset that there are a lot of women out there and you won’t miss out even when getting rejected by one (or hundred). You have to know that you have a lot to offer her – a part of your world – but don’t actually need to have her around to enjoy it.

 

The Stages of Getting a Girlfriend

Now, since we got the mindset step out of the way, let’s move on to the practical part and take you through the different stages of getting a girlfriend. You will have to go through three stages with a girl before she becomes officially your girlfriend. They are:

  1. meeting her
  2. dating her
  3. starting a relationship with her.

I will now go through all these three stages. Alternatively, you can also get the Girlfriend Activation System for a much more detailed guide. It will cover everything I just discussed (and will go even deeper) and give you a step-by-step system you can apply to get a girlfriend. In short, it will make the things I’m going to describe to you a lot easier to deal with and understand.

But for now, let’s go through each stage:

Meeting Her

Before you can even think about getting a girlfriend, the most important step will be to start approaching tons of girls on a consistent basis. This is also where most guys fail, because it requires a lot of discipline. Most either approach a couple of girls and then call it quits because it’s too hard, or more likely, try to make it work with the very first one that appears on their radar. As you can already imagine, this is not an ideal way to get a quality girlfriend.

Hot brunette girl outsideOne thing you need to expect in this phase is to fail a lot. But you also need to keep yourself motivated to push through all the bullshit you will encounter – the rejection, awkwardness and sometimes even ridicule. You need to have the discipline to stick to it and still go out after taking one beating after another.

If you are a complete beginner, this will also be your biggest sticking point. You will need to go through a lot to become better. You have to learn to deal with this kind of punishment and get used to it. But on the bright side, once you numb yourself to all of it, you will get better. You will get rejected less, and women will light up when meeting you (some might even start approaching you). And trust me, it’s all worth the effort if you refuse to give up.

Just to let you know, no matter how good you become, you will still get rejected by some girls – your personalities, preferences or some other things just won’t match. The only thing you can do is to accept it. And I’m not saying it to demotivate you, but to get you used to the idea that rejection will happen to you no matter what. It will be a part of the learning process. You can not avoid it. The only way you will never get rejected, is when you never approach. So don’t let it get to you!

The one thing that’s going to help you deal with this madness of approaching and rejection is to make it fun for yourself (and her as well). Never think about this stage as some kind of grind, or you will just burn yourself out, and give up. You should enjoy every moment with every girl you encounter and not worry too much about the consequences. Because in the grand scheme of things, they are irrelevant. So why not have fun with it? If you can make it fun for yourself (and her) you will feel great no matter what happens. And as a bonus, you will do much better with every girl you encounter. Who knows, you might even start to enjoy all of it (yes, even rejection).

Like I already mentioned in the first step, you should always approach girls with the mindset that you are offering value to them. Never take rejection personally or worry if you even get her or not. Have fun, share it, and you will notice that girls start lining up to meet you.

Dating Her (and Others)

Probably the biggest pitfall for guys in this stage is to focus on one girl and one girl only. This makes them lose all perspective and they become fixated on her. Then the “she is so special, I need to make her my girlfriend” mindset creeps in because they can’t think straight anymore and start to obsess over her. This will majorly screw them over if they can’t rid themselves of it. So, unless you can keep your emotions in check and don’t become too infatuated with just one girl, you should continue seeing others as well.

And if your inner voice keeps telling you that you are being deceitful, then you should know that you’re not doing anything wrong. As long as you are honest with the girls you are dating and not trying to lead them on, most will actually be cool with it. As a matter of fact, until a girl decides to become exclusive with you, she is most likely still seeing other guys as well.

The dating stage is all about getting to know her. You need to know if you two are compatible. This is also where you should be looking for red flags; basically, everything that tells you that she is not what you are looking for in a girlfriend. If you find something that is bothering you, then stop wasting time and find another girl. Don’t expect her to change for you. But also, don’t just dismiss major red flags just because she is “too hot to give up.” You need to have high standards.

The rule here is to know what things about her you could tolerate and what not. If you don’t know this yourself, then it’s high time to make it clear for yourself. Just don’t be too lenient and assume you could live with some major red flags. Then again, never be too harsh either, otherwise you will have a hard time finding the right gal. But knowing what you want in a girl is something you absolutely need to know before going long-term with her.

Also, when you’re dating her, don’t play the “yeah, me too” game where you agree with her about everything. This is where you should show her your true colors – who you really are – and if she can’t deal with it, move on.

If you don’t invest too much into one girl in this stage, you will do fine.

Starting a Relationship with Her

This is the final stage and most likely the easiest to start. Too many guys struggle here because they don’t really know how to transition into it. But, if you did everything else right in the previous two stages, you will get into a relationship just by having a bit of patience and letting her do the asking. Unless she has no intention starting a relationship with you and enjoys casual flings too much (another good reason to date other girls), she will eventually hint that she wants more, or simply ask you.

A couple on the beachObviously, if you want to have a relationship with her, this is where you give up on other girls as well. And of course, you should know 100% that she is the person you want as a long-term partner.

But this is also the stage where most guys start screwing everything up. They assume that since they finally have her, they can take it easy (stop giving) and often even let themselves go. They become too complacent and eventually start neglecting her, or like mentioned before, make her their mission.

In a healthy relationship, you have to pay attention to your partner but still need to have some things that don’t include her. This means that you both should have your own lives. You both should do things alone and not always depend on each other to have a good time. Don’t give up on your activities, your friends or your individuality for her. Sure, you have to make some sacrifices here and there, but if you change your whole life to revolve around her, you will soon end up alone again. Your girlfriend wants to be a part of your life, not your entire life!

Of course, since you are the man in the relationship, you also need to act like one. This means that you should often take charge in a situation. It’s what she expects from you. You need to become a leader with a clear goal and direction in your relationship. Just don’t become a hardass and never consider her opinion or exclude her from your decisions. You should still listen to what she has to say. But if she brings something up that is in direct violation with your core values, you have to take a stand and show some backbone.

As a final note, don’t get too paranoid if you do some things wrong. If she is in a relationship with you, she won’t dump you at the first sign of trouble. Only if there is too much negativity, will she start to consider breaking up with you. But if she already decided to start a relationship with you, then it’s for a good reason, and she will fight to stay.

If you don’t lose your masculine essence in your relationship then you will have a loyal girlfriend/wife for a lifetime.

 

In Conclusion

Now you should know from start to finish how to get a girlfriend and keep her. You should know what changes you have to make in your life to get the girl of your dreams. But like I mentioned at the beginning of the article: this isn’t an easy task. You need to have the discipline, courage, and strength to keep going. But if you persist, you will change your life in ways you never imagined. Not even because you got a girlfriend, but because you finally realized what you are capable of.

But of course, there is always more to learn, so if you want to make this journey a bit easier for yourself, then take a look at the Girlfriend Activation System. It a step-by-step system (more detailed than mine) that will give you a complete picture of what it takes to get a girlfriend. And I really wouldn’t praise it so much, if I didn’t believe in it myself.

It might be a bit confusing to find the steps in this article, so here they are:

  1. Fix you mindset and keep working on it (until the day you die)
  2. Go out and start approaching every girl you want, find the one you like
  3. Start dating her (and others)
  4. Start a relationship with her (and be strong)
  5. WIN!
How to Get a Girlfriend: The Step-by-Step Guide
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2017-05-23T21:03:19+00:00

7 Comments

  1. Michael January 29, 2017 at 8:06 pm - Reply

    This is a great article!

  2. Tom November 21, 2016 at 5:20 pm - Reply

    Awesome article! By far one of the best on this topic. Cheers m8!

    • John November 22, 2016 at 12:23 am

      In reply to Tom: Thanks Tom, appreciate the feedback!

  3. jack October 18, 2016 at 6:45 am - Reply

    one of the best advice ever!

    • John October 18, 2016 at 1:21 pm

      In reply to jack: Thanks Jack!

  4. Nick September 4, 2016 at 11:36 pm - Reply

    The advice in this article is unreal! What a wonderful piece of writing. Thank you so much John!

    • John September 5, 2016 at 12:42 am

      In reply to Nick: Thanks Nick. Really glad you like it.

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