Should You Take Your Ex Girlfriend Back?

Guy thinking about leaving girlfriend

You meet this awesome girl. Someone you’ve never met before. She is just amazing! And what’s even better – she feels the same way about you! You’re both in love and everybody you know keeps telling you how perfect you are for each other. So you decide to start dating.

However, when the “honeymoon phase” is over you have your first real fight. But hey, that’s totally normal because every couple fights once in a while. But then other fights follow and before you know it, everything starts to fall apart. Eventually, you both realize that this relationship isn’t working out anymore and decide to break up.

Now you are both vulnerable and start second guessing if breaking up was really the right thing to do. So you get back in touch and start reminiscing about all the great times you had. After a while, thoughts of getting back together begin to surface and you seriously start to consider it. After all, other girls don’t even compare to her, so she has to be “the one” for you and you shouldn’t give up just like that (isn’t this what movies teach us?).

Finally, she tells you that maybe you should just give the relationship another go. So here is the question: should you take this step? Should you really take your ex-girlfriend back and try to work it out? Try everything in your power to make this relationship healthy and lasting? Or should you just forget about it and try to move on with your life?

 

Getting Back Together, or Not?

Now, the thing with a breakup is that most of the times it will hurt like hell. And since we are programmed to avoid pain at any cost, the best solution seems to be getting back together again to remedy this pain. This might seem like a reasonable decision at the time because both of you would be happy again, but sadly this is not a lasting solution.

The problem with getting back together with an ex is that most of the times people completely ignore all the bad times they had with each other and focus only on the good ones. This means that they forget about all the horrible fights they had, the terrible things they said, even how much they hurt each other. They concentrate only on the good times where both of them were happy. But overlooking the bad is a big mistake because it makes them ignore the most important issue: the reason why they broke up in the first place! If a couple decides to completely avoid the reason for the breakup, it will resurface and eventually break them up again.

It’s natural that after we lose something, our first reaction is to get it back. This is, however, a massive mistake when it comes to a breakup. Since we are usually not thinking rationally and act out of pain, we let our emotions drive us and throw all reason and caution out of the window. But in this case, rational thought is our biggest ally because it forces us to take a step back and think things through before making another mistake. It helps us to see where we went wrong.

So if you really want to get back together, your best bet might be to take some time off and think things through!

 

The Harsh Truth About a Breakup

The harsh truth is this: even if you try to fix the issues you both had, you will discover that most of the time, they can’t be fixed. Not every problem can be solved. That’s why you would simply do yourself (and her) a favor and not even try.

While this might look like you are just giving up, it’s a far better solution in the long run than trying to fix a damaged relationship that is beyond repair. It will save you the pain and suffering, and sometimes even your sanity.

Like I said before, when we break up it’s usually for a reason (often several). This means that we’re not satisfied with the other person. While you might think that you’re willing to change for her, or she would do the same for you in the name of getting back together, this change wouldn’t be permanent unless it comes from the person who needs to do it.

It’s very difficult to change yourself even if you desire it, doing it to please another person is even more so. That’s why it’s much easier to find someone else than to try and fix things or hope that the other person stays the way you want them to stay.

Now, of course there will always be exceptions to this where a couple with a bad breakup gets back together again and lives “happily ever after”. But for every couple like this, there are countless examples where getting together again was the biggest mistake they have ever done. Some of them are still together and in denial of the fact that there just isn’t any chemistry between them anymore, but they both are too terrified to admit it and start from ground zero. They stay in this miserable relationship just because they are too afraid to get back out there and risk with getting hurt again.

Does this mean that you should never try to give a relationship another shot? Of course not! Just keep in mind that you should not forget all the negative stuff you relationship had. If you both are able to fix the problems without trying to change the other person (especially if the other person doesn’t even want to change) then by all means, give it another shot. But if this is not possible, find the courage to start anew!

 

The Conclusion

In the end, there is no right decision when it comes to getting back together again. If after a really bad breakup all you can think about is how to fix it, then stop for a minute, put your emotions aside and think what the reason for the breakup was (and how much you suffered). If you know you could live through this insane emotional roller-coaster again without losing your mind, give it another try. But if you can’t, then it’s time to move on.

Also, should you choose to stay in this relationship, consider this: you could lose out on meeting another girl that could turn out to be a much better match for you. So don’t stay in a miserable relationship just because you’re afraid of being single.

And if you really think hard about this, you will probably come to the realization that the breakup was the right thing to do. Because let’s face it, you two broke up for a reason and this reason is still there. And for the most part, it’s there to stay!

But if you still think that getting together with a terrible ex is better than staying single and finding a better one, then you should seriously re-evaluate the qualities you are looking for in a woman and redefine for yourself what a healthy relationship actually means!

Should You Take Your Ex Girlfriend Back?
Rating: 4.9 (97.5%) 40 voters

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2017-10-03T09:50:58+00:00

20 Comments

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  8. Anya Fariss October 3, 2012 at 4:58 pm - Reply

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    • Amit November 16, 2012 at 5:25 pm

      In reply to Anya Fariss: Well, You really only have one opoitn and sadly it is to move on. Despite all the ideas that she still may want to be with you as well as her, its just as it seems though, to her it was a learning experience and to you it was a girl that you cared for, but unless you feel so compelled to be with her that you feel there is no one else in the world for you, then perhaps you should try to move on and let her move on, If things still seem as if you want to be with her, then give it another shot, maybe a date as friends?

    • John November 16, 2012 at 6:12 pm

      In reply to Amit: Date as friends? How is this supposed to work? I think you answered your own question with your first sentence. If you still want to be with her not because you need her but she is someone you had a great connection with (and she feels the same) you might want to give it another try. But if one of you is just needy, this second chance will have the same ending as the first (and will probably be even harsher).

    • Terry November 21, 2012 at 7:45 am

      In reply to John: Good to see real expertise on display. Your contribution is most welcome.

    • Pam November 22, 2012 at 3:04 am

      In reply to Amit: Sadly, this article is relevant to many of our lives. I think many times a breakup or divorce is harder than the death of a loved one because with death, you know the loved one did not choose to leave. Also, with the death of a loved one there is so much support that is offered to the grieving that is simply not available to the person suffering a breakup or divorce. There are no, divorce casseroles and no formal services, no flowers and plants and usually not cards with condolences. Usually, there are no offers of shoulders to cry on or lean on, or at least not long term offers. The world expects the divorcee to get over it . It’s kind of cruel. Sad, but true.Your point of not wallowing in the breakup and taking steps to move ahead is well taken, but the fact remains, there is very little support offered for those suffering divorce or breakup.Nice article, I enjoyed reading it.

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    • Christina November 16, 2012 at 9:19 am

      In reply to Delena Hasgill: Your reaction seems completely valid. If your relationship with this woman is reaching a semi-serious to serious level, I think the best thing you could do would be to sit down with her and talk about how you feel. Granted, she may still have him stay with her, but this does not necessarily mean that anything may happen between them. Ask if you can meet the guy, make plans to spend time with her alone while he is there. But if this is an issue that is really bothering you, let her know and ask her to put herself in your shoes. No one should have to give up a friendship for a partner, but they should be respectful of their partners feelings and set realistic boundaries.

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