You meet this incredible cute girl. Someone you feel like you have never met before. She is just amazing and what’s even better – she feels the same way! You both are in love and everybody you know keeps telling you how perfect you are for each other. So you decide to start dating.
However, after some time you have your first fight. But hey, every couple fights, it’s totally normal. Then other fights follow and everything starts spiraling out of control. Finally, you can’t take it anymore and decide to break up with her.
Now you are both vulnerable and start second guessing if breaking up was really the right thing to do. So you get back in touch and start reminiscing about all the great times you two had. After a while, thoughts of getting back together again begin to surface in your mind and you seriously start to consider it. Because the girls you have met after her, don’t even compare.
Finally, she tells you that maybe you should just give it another go. So here is the question: should you take this step, should you really take your ex-girlfriend back and try to work it out? Try everything to make this relationship healthy and lasting? Or should you just forget about it and try to move on with your life?
Getting Back Together: Good or Bad?
Now, the thing with a breakup is, that most of the times, it will hurt like hell. As human beings we are programmed to avoid pain at any cost. So, when both parties are hurting badly, the best solution seems to be getting back together again to remedy the pain. This might seem like a reasonable decision at the time because both of you would be happy again, but sadly this is only a short time solution.
The problem with getting back together with an ex is that most of the time people completely ignore the bad times they had with each other and focus only on the good ones. They never think about the horrible fights and how much they hurt each other. They concentrate only on the good times where both of them were happy.
But this is a big mistake because they ignore the most important issue: the reason why they broke up in the first place. If a couple decides to avoid this problem completely, it will resurface and break them up again.
When we lose something, our first reaction is to get it back. This is however a massive mistake when it comes to a breakup since we are usually not thinking rationally and act out of desperation. We are driven by our emotions and throw all reason out of the window. In this case however, rational thought is our biggest ally because it shows us where we went wrong.
The Harsh Truth
The harsh truth is this: even if you try to fix the issues you both had, you will discover that most of the time, they can’t be fixed. Not every problem can be solved. That’s why you would simply do yourself (and her) a favor and not even try. Now, this might look like you are giving up, but it’s a better solution in the long run than trying to fix a damaged relationship that is beyond repair. It will save you the pain and suffering, and sometimes even your sanity.
Of course, there are exceptions where a couple with a bad breakup got together again and lives happily now. But for every couple like this, there are countless examples where getting together again was the biggest mistake the couple has ever done. Some of them are still together and denying the fact that there just isn’t any chemistry between them. Instead of starting from ground zero (something most people are terrified of) they stay in this relationship and are miserable.
In the end, there isn’t a “the only right decisions” when it comes to getting together again. If after a really bad breakup all you can think about is how to fix it, then stop for a minute, put your emotions aside and think what the reason for the breakup was (and how much you suffered). If you think you could live through this insane emotional roller-coaster again without losing your mind, give it another try.
Also, should you choose to stay in this relationship, you could lose out in meeting the another girl that could even be a better match for you. That all, because you were afraid of staying single.
However, if you really think hard about this, you will probably come to the realization, that the breakup was the right thing to do. Because let’s face it, you two broke up for a reason and this reason is still there. And for the most part, it’s there to stay!
If you still think that getting together with an ex is better than staying single and finding a better one, then you should seriously re-evaluate the qualities you are looking for in a woman and a healthy relationship!
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