Should You Take Your Ex Girlfriend Back?

Guy thinking about leaving girlfriend

You meet this incredible cute girl. Someone you feel like you have never met before. She is just amazing and what’s even better – she feels the same way! You both are in love and everybody you know keeps telling you how perfect you are for each other. So you decide to start dating.

However, after some time you have your first fight. But hey, every couple fights, it’s totally normal. Then other fights follow and everything starts spiraling out of control. Finally, you can’t take it anymore and decide to break up with her.

Now you are both vulnerable and start second guessing if breaking up was really the right thing to do. So you get back in touch and start reminiscing about all the great times you two had. After a while, thoughts of getting back together again begin to surface in your mind and you seriously start to consider it. Because the girls you have met after her, don’t even compare.

Finally, she tells you that maybe you should just give it another go. So here is the question: should you take this step, should you really take your ex-girlfriend back and try to work it out? Try everything to make this relationship healthy and lasting? Or should you just forget about it and try to move on with your life?


Getting Back Together: Good or Bad?

Now, the thing with a breakup is, that most of the times, it will hurt like hell. As human beings, we are programmed to avoid pain at any cost. So, when both parties are hurting badly, the best solution seems to be getting back together again to remedy the pain. This might seem like a reasonable decision at the time because both of you would be happy again, but sadly this is only a short time solution.

The problem with getting back together with an ex is that most of the time people completely ignore the bad times they had with each other and focus only on the good ones. They never think about the horrible fights and how much they hurt each other. They concentrate only on the good times where both of them were happy.

But this is a big mistake because they ignore the most important issue: the reason why they broke up in the first place. If a couple decides to avoid this problem completely, it will resurface and break them up again.

When we lose something, our first reaction is to get it back. This is, however, a massive mistake when it comes to a breakup since we are usually not thinking rationally and act out of desperation. We are driven by our emotions and throw all reason out of the window. In this case, however, rational thought is our biggest ally because it shows us where we went wrong.


The Harsh Truth

The harsh truth is this: even if you try to fix the issues you both had, you will discover that most of the time, they can’t be fixed. Not every problem can be solved. That’s why you would simply do yourself (and her) a favor and not even try. Now, this might look like you are giving up, but it’s a better solution in the long run than trying to fix a damaged relationship that is beyond repair. It will save you the pain and suffering, and sometimes even your sanity.

Of course, there are exceptions where a couple with a bad breakup got together again and lives happily now. But for every couple like this, there are countless examples where getting together again was the biggest mistake the couple has ever done. Some of them are still together and denying the fact that there just isn’t any chemistry between them. Instead of starting from ground zero (something most people are terrified of) they stay in this relationship and are miserable.


The Conclusion

In the end, there isn’t a “the only right decisions” when it comes to getting together again. If after a really bad breakup all you can think about is how to fix it, then stop for a minute, put your emotions aside and think what the reason for the breakup was (and how much you suffered). If you think you could live through this insane emotional roller-coaster again without losing your mind, give it another try.

Also, should you choose to stay in this relationship, you could lose out in meeting the another girl that could even be a better match for you. That all, because you were afraid of staying single.

However, if you really think hard about this, you will probably come to the realization, that the breakup was the right thing to do. Because let’s face it, you two broke up for a reason and this reason is still there. And for the most part, it’s there to stay!

If you still think that getting together with an ex is better than staying single and finding a better one, then you should seriously re-evaluate the qualities you are looking for in a woman and a healthy relationship!

Should You Take Your Ex Girlfriend Back?
Rating: 4.9 (97.89%) 38 voters



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    • Amit November 16, 2012 at 5:25 pm

      In reply to Anya Fariss: Well, You really only have one opoitn and sadly it is to move on. Despite all the ideas that she still may want to be with you as well as her, its just as it seems though, to her it was a learning experience and to you it was a girl that you cared for, but unless you feel so compelled to be with her that you feel there is no one else in the world for you, then perhaps you should try to move on and let her move on, If things still seem as if you want to be with her, then give it another shot, maybe a date as friends?

    • John November 16, 2012 at 6:12 pm

      In reply to Amit: Date as friends? How is this supposed to work? I think you answered your own question with your first sentence. If you still want to be with her not because you need her but she is someone you had a great connection with (and she feels the same) you might want to give it another try. But if one of you is just needy, this second chance will have the same ending as the first (and will probably be even harsher).

    • Terry November 21, 2012 at 7:45 am

      In reply to John: Good to see real expertise on display. Your contribution is most welcome.

    • Pam November 22, 2012 at 3:04 am

      In reply to Amit: Sadly, this article is relevant to many of our lives. I think many times a breakup or divorce is harder than the death of a loved one because with death, you know the loved one did not choose to leave. Also, with the death of a loved one there is so much support that is offered to the grieving that is simply not available to the person suffering a breakup or divorce. There are no, divorce casseroles and no formal services, no flowers and plants and usually not cards with condolences. Usually, there are no offers of shoulders to cry on or lean on, or at least not long term offers. The world expects the divorcee to get over it . It’s kind of cruel. Sad, but true.Your point of not wallowing in the breakup and taking steps to move ahead is well taken, but the fact remains, there is very little support offered for those suffering divorce or breakup.Nice article, I enjoyed reading it.

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    • Christina November 16, 2012 at 9:19 am

      In reply to Delena Hasgill: Your reaction seems completely valid. If your relationship with this woman is reaching a semi-serious to serious level, I think the best thing you could do would be to sit down with her and talk about how you feel. Granted, she may still have him stay with her, but this does not necessarily mean that anything may happen between them. Ask if you can meet the guy, make plans to spend time with her alone while he is there. But if this is an issue that is really bothering you, let her know and ask her to put herself in your shoes. No one should have to give up a friendship for a partner, but they should be respectful of their partners feelings and set realistic boundaries.

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