This is a contribution from Sebastian Harris, the founder of the Global Seducer Community. He believes that every man deserves to date amazing women and that the road to success starts with a few simple mindset shifts…
Imagine you are walking along the street.
You are on your way to work and you think about all the things your boss expects you to do throughout the day. You think about your daily schedule when you suddenly see something that interrupts your thoughts.
Well, you don’t just see something, you see someone and this someone is an incredibly beautiful woman. She is gorgeous. Her long black hair waves while she is walking towards you. Her breasts look so delicious in her tight top and her face is so beautiful that you can’t believe your eyes.
You start to sweat. You are nervous and you can’t focus on anything else than this beautiful creature. All you want to do is to approach her.
But something is holding you back. You can’t move. For some reason that you can’t logically explain you can’t do it. You are paralyzed.
You are not sure what to do, so you do nothing. You just stand there and gaze after her and her beautiful ass.
Was it your body that was holding you back? No, your body is totally fine. You have two legs that you could have used to walk up to her.
Your body is not the problem. Your mindset is the enemy that was holding you back. Your negative beliefs were holding you back. Your mindset is the reason why you couldn’t approach her.
That’s why you need a mindset shift BEFORE you allow the next beautiful woman to walk past you and out of your life forever.
1. Women Are Not the Enemy
Most men won’t admit it. Most men hide it under a blanket of niceness. They hide the fact that deep down they hate women. They see women as the enemy. For them, women are nothing but a target that needs to be defeated.
But seduction is not about war. Seduction is about love and empathy. It’s about connecting with another human being.
Before you make your first approach you absolutely have to understand that women are not the enemy. If you see them as your enemy, they will see you as your enemy. Neither you nor women want to talk to their enemy.
Instead, see them as your allies. Love them. Women want to get approached by men who love them and not by men who hate them.
2. Nice is Not the Same as Genuine
A nice guy is not nice at all. A nice guy is a man who hides behind a mask. He pretends to be so nice without any hidden agenda, even though the only thing he hopes is that his niceness gets him laid. Don’t be this kind of nice guy.
Be a genuine guy. Be a guy who treats women with respect and who really cares about them. Be a genuine man, but don’t be afraid to set boundaries and to speak your opinion. Just don’t be nice when all you really want to be is honest.
3. You Are Both the Prize
“Being the prize” is a popular concept in the seduction community and to be honest, it is not the most healthy one.
“Man, you are the prize!”
Is this really the healthy self-confidence that you want or does it maybe lead to an arrogance that sabotages your success with women?
In my experience it is the latter. True self-confidence doesn’t need arrogance. True self-confidence is based on the belief that you have the same value as any other human being, not on the overcompensating thought that you are better than other human beings.
How about this: You are both the prize.
Your connection, your relationship and the amazing time you share is the prize.
All you have to do in order to get this price is to approach her and to connect with her.
4. Listening is Better than Talking
Women talk a lot more than men. This is backed up by science. They love to talk and they love to talk about themselves. Believe it or not, but this is actually the best thing that can happy to you. If a woman is interested in you she will reveal everything you need to know about her in order to seduce her.
Remember, she is your ally. She will tell you what she likes, what she doesn’t like and what kind of man she desires. She will give you everything you need to know. All you have to do now is to act upon her words.
And that’s exactly where most guys fail. They talk and talk and talk a bit more. They hope to impress her with their gibberish about their job and their fancy car while she hoped to finally meet a man who shows interest in HER.
Listen to her and give her the feeling that you really want to get to know her. As a reward, she will tell you exactly what you should do next.
5. Honesty is the Greatest Aphrodisiac
I think it was Zan Perrion who once said that honesty is the greatest aphrodisiac. I couldn’t have said it any better. Women all over the world are craving for honest men. They are so sick and tired of the liars, pretenders and fakers.
Women want men who are honest to them. Yes, they want it even when this means that you won’t agree with everything they say. They respect a man who is brutally honest ten times more than a man who is not honest in order to avoid tension and a potential conflict.
6. You Can Only Fake it For So Long
I am a very introverted guy. I hate clubs and places that are crowded with people, but when I first came across the seduction community I was obsessed with the idea of seducing party girls. I dreamed about banging one of those fake blonde girls with the fake eyelashes that dominate the club scene.
I tried to pretend to be extroverted. I tried to pretend to love alcohol (I don’t drink) and I pretended to love the mind-numbing music those girls listened to all day. I felt horrible and whenever I actually landed in bed with one of those girls I prayed to God that the condom doesn’t break.
Today I am together with a wonderful woman who is just like me. She is an introverted nerd, she loves me unconditionally and I don’t have to pretend to be someone I am not. In fact, most women will see right through you the second you approach them. You can only fake it for so long.
7. Your Intent Says More than 1000 Words
One of the most popular mistakes that newbies make is to mimic their favorite dating coach. I was definitely guilty of doing this. One of my earliest mentors was Sasha Daygame and right after the bootcamp with him I tried to be like him.
The only problem was that imitating him was as authentic for me as picking up drunk party chicks. I used his jokes and lines without the intent that he had when he used them. I didn’t understand that the intent was the powerful seduction tool and that the words were merely a way to communicate this intent.
If you tell a woman that she is the most beautiful thing on earth because some dating coach told you to do it, but you have the feeling that she is just an average girl with a positive energy, she won’t believe you. Why? Your intent doesn’t match your words.
Approach a girl with the right intent and you don’t have to think about the right words.
8. Your Real Self is Your Attractive Self
I already told you that I am an introverted nerd.
Did I also tell you that I don’t make a secret out of it?
I am 100% honest about what I like and what I don’t like. I don’t hide my love for books. I don’t hide my love for Star Wars and I don’t hide the fact that I don’t drink. I reveal my true self and by doing this I am able to attract the women who are perfect for me.
What about the party girls who think that not drinking alcohol is ridiculous? Well, I am better off without women who don’t want my true self.
9. Rejection is a Part of the Game
Are you afraid of getting rejected? You probably are. Most men are terribly afraid of getting rejected and are desperately trying to avoid it in every possible way they can. Good luck with that.
The truth is that rejection is and will always be a part of the game. Some girls have a boyfriend and some women you approach are lesbians. That happens. Deal with it.
Oh, and getting rejected is actually the best thing that can happen to you, especially when it happens fast. All you need is three seconds to find out if a girl wants you or not. If she doesn’t, you can move on to the next girl. That’s what I call efficiency.
10. Determination Determines Your Success
How bad do you want it?
Whenever you are watching one of those motivational videos on YouTube this questions pops up within the first couple of seconds. In order to survive the rejections, the failures and the frustrating dates that end with nothing but a hug, you need determination.
You need the determination to go after what you want. You need the determination to approach the next girl even though the hot blonde in the blue dress just rejected you right after the “hi”. This determination eventually determines your success.
11. Giving Up is Not an Option
Imagine you approach a girl and she calls you a creep. What do you do?
You have two choices:
Choice #1: You can give up and accept that you are a creep, watch another porn movie and cry yourself to sleep.
Choice #2: You can continue to work on your seduction skills and approach the next girl.
The choice is yours, but if you want to become one of the greatest seducers of all time, giving up is not an option.