Since getting rejected is probably the biggest fear for most people in their interactions with others, I thought I’ll tackle this topic a second time. This time however, I’ll keep the focus on interactions with people in general (and throw in some advice about interacting with women).
If you came here looking to learn how to avoid rejection completely, then you are in the wrong place. Well, if you insist, here is the ultimate solution: never go out to meet people. In fact, never even leave the house so no one can reject you. It’s that simple!
If this isn’t an option for you (I really hope it isn’t) then you should know that no matter who you are or what you do, you will encounter rejection in your lifetime. Now, the good news is that there are actually ways to minimize your odds of getting rejected. But this requires an understanding why it happens to you in the first place. To get a better understanding, let’s go over three main reasons why you might get rejected by others.
Three Reasons for Rejection
1) The most common reason why people get rejected is because of their mindset. They come from a place of scarcity that becomes painfully obvious in their interactions with others. Because they constantly feel the need for others to like and approve of them, they suffer a devastating hit to their self-worth every time they get rejected. Even worse, some are so desperate for the validation from others, that they sacrifice their self-image by trying to please everyone just so they can avoid rejection.
You can see great examples of this in night clubs where guys approach girls all the time with a needy mindset and get mercilessly rejected. They are either coming from a desperate frame where they try to please women they meet or just compensate for their shortcomings, either way, they actions always reflect their emotional state. Even in their interactions with other men, these guys are used to relying on others and act basically the same way – trying to supplicate.
Let me tell you this, gentlemen: people are very good at recognizing needy and desperate behavior. Most will deal with it in the easiest way possible (by rejecting your sorry ass). That’s why you can never suck up to others or rely on people to provide you with positive emotions. It’s your sole responsibility to create your own happiness and you can never expect it from others!
On the other hand, when you are the person who brings value to peoples’ lives, they will actually want to meet you. Everyone wants to be around a cool and interesting guy. That’s why you should make it your mission to become him; become an authentic and positive person. I know, easier said than done, but find stuff that keeps you happy and eliminate negativity from your life. Don’t try to please others; do it for yourself and share your positivity with people around you. This behavior draws others in and makes them turn to you to have a good time.
2) The second reason why people might reject you is that you lack the needed people skills. If you have no understanding of social cues, then you will have a hard time making new friends, never mind attracting the opposite sex.
When you are oblivious to social cues then start learning about human behavior, body language, psychology, social dynamics, everything that can give you a better understanding about interacting with others. When you learn how to approach people from the right angle, it will give you an immense advantage over the average Joe. You will become a charismatic individual and people will want to meet you.
In a man to woman interaction, if a girl you approached looks like she has somewhere to go, you are most likely coming in too strong (making yourself look desperate). So, take a step back and let her “breathe” so she can feel more comfortable around you. However, when she keeps looking at you, touching you, bartering with you, then this is a clear indication that she is interested in you and you have to act.
Learning the needed social skills will really help you to minimize rejection from others. It will make you a person who stands out from the rest. That’s also a big reason why guys with great social skills usually get rejected less – they simply know what to do in a given situation and how to make a great impression.
3) You can work on your people skills all you want but there will always be one thing that’s out of your control – the element of randomness. Sometimes people just don’t like you and there is nothing you can do about it. Could be that you might remind them of someone they hate. Maybe they are having a bad day. Maybe they are just assholes who don’t care about anyone. The fact still remains: you can be very good with people but there can be endless things working against you.
So, why bother at all when it all comes down to chance? Although you should already know the answer (you are doing this all for yourself), becoming a better people person will give you an advantage over any average guy. Just imagine whom people would prefer: Joe, the nice guy, who can be interesting but is usually kinda boring to hang out with, or Jack who’s charismatic and always fun to be around?
Now getting back to the real topic here – no matter what you decide to do, randomness stays! You will run into people who won’t like you no matter what and your only option is to learn how to deal with it. The best advice I can give you in this situation is to change the things you can (your social skills and mindset) and forget about the ones you can’t (the element of randomness).
The most important thing to remember about rejection is that you can not allow it to influence your life. When you start making all your important decisions based on the possibility of getting rejected, you will never get your dream job, never achieve the goals you have set for yourself and never find the girl you always wanted!
Listen guys, rejection might sting for some time, but the knowledge that you missed a life changing opportunity will haunt you forever. So, go after the things that make you nervous, anxious or afraid, because most of the time, they are worth it.