Our set of beliefs have the power to change us - to improve us. However, on the flipside, these same beliefs can also keep us from getting to where we want to go. There a such a thing as limiting belief. This is any thought that is considered to be detrimental for our personal growth. These beliefs need not be always detrimental, but there comes a point when these start to limit you. Getting rid of limiting beliefs is a process.
Here are the steps on how you can do it.
Getting Rid of the Limiting Mindset
1. Identify your limiting beliefs - Most beliefs limit you without you even knowing it. Identifying wrong beliefs, attitudes and behaviors is always the first step in correcting them. Take time to think if there are any thoughts or actions that may be hindering you from reaching your full potential as a person. Also, keep in mind that you have to be totally honest with yourself, no matter how hard it might be to let go of some beliefs, you have to take responsibility for them and deal with them.
2. Create an alternative belief - Like already mentioned, once you have identified a limiting belief, it is now time to do something about it. The first step is to get it out of your system by finding a belief that will replace to old one. For that, choose one that instead of limiting you, empower you and gives you a more positive attitude. For example, instead of thinking that you are not good enough for some girls, take this as a challenge to improve your circumstances and become a better man, thus becoming a man who is attractive.
3. Remove the emotional component from the belief - There are times when a belief, beneficial or otherwise, is linked to an underlying emotion. One of the reasons why people are unable to let go of a negative belief is because of the emotional investment in it. For example, you had that belief because it either helped you survive in the past or you developed it while growing up as a coping mechanism. That's why removing that emotional link will help you to eliminate that detrimental behavior for good.
4. Create a better outlook - One reason why beliefs persist is because of an outlook attached to them. One possible reason why you are still holding on to that limiting belief is because of another belief attached to it. For example, you may believe that you aren't good enough for a girl just because you doubt in your own abilities. That's why a much better alternative is to just start believing that you are, in fact, someone who is worthy of every girl he meets. Using the example mentioned, instead of doubting your abilities, believe that there are ways to make them better.
5. Trust in your new belief - The final step in changing your limiting beliefs is to have trust that going for the alternative is for the better. For example, instead of believing you're not good enough, convince yourself that you still have time to change and there are many ways to do it. Trust that the change you made is for the better. This will help you stick with it. Find as many good reasons as possible to solidify your resolve and believe that you did the right choice.
You can always make a positive change in your life if you so choose to. Just don't let limiting beliefs get you down and trust in yourself. You are actually capable of more than you think. If you accept this fact, you will have no problems growing and becoming the kind of man you always wanted to be. You can either have results or excuses, not both!
How to Become an Attractive Man
What is the first thing that pops into your head when you hear the words: an attractive man? Like most guys, you are probably imagining a tall, ripped and handsome guy. Because, if a man has these specific qualities, he will get any woman he wants, right?
But what if you are a bit lacking in the looks department? What if you are short, fat and ugly instead? Well, in that case, you gotta at least have money! Because women are only interested in two things: looks and money! Right?
In reality, there are actually many different qualities that turn an average guy truly attractive in the eyes of a woman. The point of this article is to highlight some and give you advice on how improving them can benefit you.
So, if you want to learn how to become an attractive male, keep reading.
The "Secret" to Becoming Attractive
Since we already mentioned physical appearance, let's get this one out of the way first. Guys worry too much about their looks. Yes, it is true that being good looking will give you an advantage, but it's not as big as you assume. The thing about us men is that we give more value to an attractive girl and therefore assume she does the same to us. But most of the times it's not the reason why she actually finds us attractive.
Being good looking is definitely a bonus, but when you aren't genetically as blessed as the next man, you can still become attractive in the eyes of a girl. The only reason why many "ugly" men never have a chance with beautiful women is that they are too hung up on their own looks. They disqualify themselves by not even trying, or simply assume that they "don't have a chance anyway".
If you use your appearance as an excuse why you can't attract the women you want, then guess what, it will definitely hold you back. Not because you are "ugly" but because you think your appearance is all that matters. It is not! An average guy, who has more positive qualities women respond to than a good looking guy who has none, will always be more attractive to women.
One other thing about beauty is that it's very subjective. Women have different tastes in men (what a surprise, right?) and no matter how good looking a guy is, some women still won't find him attractive. However, this also works the other way around – no matter how ugly you think you are, there will always be some girl that finds you desirable.
So, what am I trying to say here? You should not care about your looks at all? Hell no! You should always try to look your best. Groom yourself to look the best you can. Get a haircut that suits you. Wear clothes that improve your appearance. And if you are fat, hit the gym. You have absolutely no excuse to look like you just crawled out from under a rock! Remember: no one likes a slob!
So if you are not good looking, do you just roll over and give up? Do you just accept your fate and try to make the best of it? Or do you say "fuck that" and find a way around it? If your attitude doesn't reflect a man who chooses the second option, then go ahead and give up. Save yourself the trouble and go on complaining about how unfair life is. If you truly want to be attractive, you need to cultivate the no retreat, no surrender attitude!
Your attitude should be of a guy who doesn't let anything get to him. Even something like getting rejected by women shouldn't faze you. This is where most guys fail. They get too hung up on the received feedback and take it as an attack on their personality. However, if you push straight through the rejections you'll get from women (and life in general) and still have the balls to keep pushing forward, then you have the attitude that makes a difference.
If you got this far and aren't right now in the comments section telling me what an asshole I am, you are probably starting to understand what a game changer attitude can be. Women love men who know what they want and go after it. A woman wants a man who stays strong even when things get hard. She needs someone she can rely on.
Well, this one is really obvious. I have written about confidence in manyposts before, so I'll keep this one short. If you can't convince her how confident you are, she won't be really attracted to you. Shyness is cute only to some extent and after that, it all goes downhill.
You know what? Screw about convincing her! The only person you need to convince is yourself! If confidence is something that is rooted in your psyche, you will be confident no matter what and she will notice it when being around you... and love it.
If you already got the attitude part handled then being authentic should be the next thing high on your list. What this means is that your thoughts and actions must be in alignment. Everything you do and say should come off as genuine. When you say something, you better fucking mean it!
Being authentic is attractive because you are not holding yourself back for anyone. This means you are a man who conveys high status because high-status men hardly, if ever, censor themselves. They don't worry what others might think of them because they know that no one else can define them. You are authentic when you do not hesitate to say or do things you think are right.
This also goes for setting boundaries and not being afraid to exert them when someone steps over them. When something is bothering you, you better say it! When someone is disrespecting you, you better take care of it. When a girl is testing your boundaries, you better know how to deal with it. What I'm trying to say here is: you gotta have backbone, son! Nothing is more embarrassing than being all talk but having nothing to back it up with.
Having something you love to do is always a turn on. Why do you think women love guys who're passion is to play the guitar and create music? When you have passion and can express it in some way, you will automatically draw other people into your world. Passion is something that inspires others around you. Passion is also something that pushes you forward when you fall on rough times.
Lacking any kind of passion in life is a miserable way to live. People without passion are miserable. They seem miserable. They act miserable. They make everyone else around them miserable. Do I have to continue? Find a passion and you will find women who will love what you do.
This one is just, well... if you act around women like a little bitch instead of like a man, how long do you think they will respect you? And without respect, there can't be any attraction either. Women to this day still love masculinity, so do not try to get on their good side by becoming one of their girlfriends.
Also, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. We are a generation that is being brainwashed to believe we have to be soft and cuddly for women to like and respect us, but this is not the essence of a real man. A masculine man radiates strength and dominance and that's what makes him attractive.
Of course, you don't have to go overboard with it and start chewing rocks or go and kick a grizzly bear in the nuts. Even trying to "dominate" others because you're the "big bad alpha" is just lame and compensating for some deeper-seated issues. It's easy: be respectful to others, just don't become a pushover. That's all I'm saying.
Independence in the traditional sense means getting by without relying on others. If you are independent, you are also competent enough to take care of yourself. Also, being independent means you don't look for validation from women on how to behave. You make your own decisions and do not need someone to tell you what to do. An independent person should be also capable of taking the lead when needed.
This is where many guys also go terribly wrong. They either give up their independence by letting the woman make all the decisions (because they think they are being considerate) or looking at her to give them approval for their choices. Neither of these two options is good because it forces women into the male gender role, and trust me, they really don't want to be there!
Be independent and take the lead if you must. Give a woman options not choices, because if she doesn't like them, she as sure as hell will let you know anyway.
A man needs to have a purpose in his life. If you lack a purpose, you will just aimlessly drift around and will not achieve greatness. Don't be a leaf in the wind. Do something that has meaning to you. Women do not want a man who lacks purpose.
But whatever you do, never ever try to make a woman your purpose. Many men step into this trap because they do exactly that. It's cute and all but the problem with this is that she will resent it. She doesn't want another guy who treats her like a queen to be admired and pleased. She needs to know that you have a purpose and you will not stray from it. A man on his path is attractive. A man who can't be veered from his path is irresistible.
Here is the thing: if you haven't already, find a purpose in your life. But don't do it because women find it attractive, do it because you, as a man, need it.
Like you can see, there are many things that make a man attractive to women. Hell, I didn't even name half of them! The thing to remember here is this: you really have no excuse to stay the way you are if you don't have any success with women.
Do not hide behind excuses, start to work on yourself! Become a better man and you will become attractive! Only after you truly have done everything in your power and are still failing, you can come back here and tell me what an asshole I am!
Stop Looking for Shortcuts and Take Action!
This article is about the choice we make when we want to solve a problem but lack the discipline to do it the right way. It’s about certain people who immediately start searching for ways to solve a problem faster than it actually should be done.
So, let’s get started.
Why You Should Stop Looking for Shortcuts
These days, people love to take a shortcut to absolutely everything. If you are overweight, you search for the fastest way to lose weight. If you want to earn more money, you search for a fast and effortless way to do it. If you want to find a girlfriend, you rush to find one because otherwise, you will be miserable.
Most people need a quick fix to every little problem they encounter so they can continue to enjoy a comfortable life in mediocrity. And seriously, you can’t even blame them for it. We are constantly bombarded with advertising that promises us the next best quick and convenient fix that will solve all our problems and make our life more comfortable.
We have gotten to the stage where the quick fix is not only wanted but demanded. When people don’t get an immediate solution to a problem, they become irritated and refuse to accept that solving a problem can take time and energy. Many have the mentality where they believe that if it can't be done fast and with ease, it's not even worth the effort.
Hey, I get it. Considering the average lifespan of a person is around 28,000 days (about 75 years) and we already spend 1/3 of it sleeping, our lives really seem too damn short! We can't possibly hope to take the hard way to every little problem we encounter. So, using a shortcut here and there is a nice alternative.
Additionally, there is another good argument in favor of using shortcuts: acquiring new knowledge or reaching a certain goal can be a challenging task that will take time and effort to complete. This means that when you want to achieve a goal (like losing weight) you have to take into consideration that it will be a while before you see some initial results.
When you start thinking about the positive sides, looking for shortcuts becomes a very appealing alternative. So where’s the problem? Why can’t we always use them?
Because it's not possible to solve every problem using a shortcut and in the long run it will do more harm than good!
The dilemma with always taking a shortcut is that usually, it isn't the best fix to a problem. It’s only a band-aid solution that might help you for a short period of time but eventually, your old problems will return to bite you in the ass. If you think you found a quick solution to a problem you have been struggling for years, then most likely you found a band-aid solution.
It’s baffling to see how many people are desperately searching for quick fixes to problems that obviously can’t be solved fast. The saddest thing is that many are only looking for temporary fixes. They don't care about lasting solutions. They just want a problem to be solved fast and get it out of the way.
This is also the reason why so many fall for scams where snake oil salesmen offer them a quick fix for everything – the fastest way to lose weight, the fastest way to make money, the fastest way to whatever.
Oftentimes these quicker ways can be more counter-productive than the hard ways. You can't lose weight very fast because it will mess with your metabolism; it will do you more harm than good and, in the end, you will gain all your weight back. Also, you can't make a lot of money very fast because if you could, everyone would be doing it.
Some people, no matter how much evidence there is to the contrary, will still jump from one fad to the other – from one shortcut to the other – without learning anything new or even realizing that they spend more time and energy (and money, usually a lot of money!) on temporary solutions. And the irony here is that they waste more time and energy on these shortcuts, than it would have taken them fixing the problem the hard way.
Take the Hard Way!
Life is just too short to waste it on finding the next best shortcut. Solve your problems the hard way and you will have a much fulfilling life.
If you want to lose 20 pounds, then hit the gym and work out instead of going to look for “lose weight fast” products!
If you want to make more money, then find a way and work hard instead of search for ways to game the system!
By doing all these things the hard way, you will eventually start enjoying the process and learn more than you would have with a shortcut. Every long path will provide you with new experiences, opportunities and benefits you haven't even thought of yet.
Now, one thing, however: I'm in no way advocating you should always choose the hard way over the shortcut when you can do something quicker and more efficiently. But you need to figure these things out for yourself.
You have to make decisions about what are the things you should do quickly and what need time, so you can benefit from them more in the long run. Learning a new language faster is a great shortcut, but learning to attract women will take usually much longer.
If you think however that investing time into self-growth is just a waste of your time, then find something else that makes you happy but don't turn to others demanding they will fix your problems for you!
Don't hope that someone will provide you with a quick and easy solution that will solve all your problems. The only thing you can be sure is that you have a limited time on this Earth and if you are not trying to take the right action, you are wasting your time.
Stop looking for an easy way out. Instead, choose the things you want to become good at very carefully and follow through. Life is too short to spend it on the wrong things.
First, learn to do things the way it is supposed to and then try to implement the shortcuts, not the other way around. But hey, whatever works for you! Right?
How to Overcome Your Fear of Rejection
Getting rejected by a woman is probably the biggest fear for most men when they are approaching her. It's the leading cause for approach anxiety. For some, the fear of rejection can become so intense and terrifying, that they will think of any excuse possible just to avoid taking action and going to interact with the girl they like.
To be fair, getting rejected can be harsh. It can really mess with you and give you a feeling of inferiority. It can make you an anti-social person and ruin your life – that is, if you let it.
Why Not Approaching Is Bad for You
I once went to a nightclub with a somewhat timid friend. As soon as we got in, he headed straight for the bar and ordered a drink. After that he just stood there, with his drink in his hand, watching women walk by. So I tried to convince him to come with me and talk to some of them. As you can already imagine, he refused. Every time I gave him a reason why he should do it, he had a convenient excuse ready why he can't.
Now, what makes this story weird is the fact that he didn't even disagree with me. He totally understood what I was telling him and didn't try to argue with me, but still managed to find enough reasons not to approach.
I hope you already know where I'm heading with this story. His fear of rejection was so strong that he decided just to stand there and watch me interact with different women, even when he knew that he should have done the same. The saddest part about this story is that he will never start to approach women if he doesn't take action to overcome his anxieties and insecurities.
I'm going to be honest with you. There is not much I can tell you that will change your behavior overnight. There are no magical words to "cure you" of approach anxiety or fear of rejection. Even if you agree with me 100% here, your fear of rejection will not disappear that easily. The only way to overcome these fears is to go out and gather reference experiences, and this takes time. You are in the wrong place here if you are looking for an instant solution. Every significant change in your psyche takes time.
Before moving on, I want you to accept one thing: rejection will happen to you. Now, this may sound harsh but take it into consideration that even guys who teach pick-up and have been in the game for a very long time still get rejected.
The more you approach, the more you will see rejection. And it's totally okay to be scared. Don't beat yourself up about it. Getting rejected is not a bad thing. Once you accept that, it gets easier. You will not be so scared anymore when approaching different women and won't care if you get rejected. And here is the kicker: because your attitude towards rejection is different, you will get rejected less.
How to Deal with Rejection
The secret of dealing with rejection is not to let it get to you. If you manage to keep your emotional state calm before approaching and after getting rejected, the fear that usually comes in these stages will start to disappear. Getting rejected will help you to learn from your failures. It will improve your approach and lessen the anxiety you feel when interacting with a girl.
You will eventually learn that whenever you get rejected, it's not always because you did something wrong. Sometimes it has nothing to do with how you look or what you do. So, when you get rejected, don't take it personally. Women have hundreds of different reasons why they rejected you and none of them have anything to do with who you are (that is, if you aren't being a total dick to them).
To conclude this long mess of an article and to give you a better understanding of what the hell I'm talking about, let me give you two examples of the behaviors of different men. One of them is your average Joe who approaches girls rarely (if ever) and takes rejection dead seriously and the other is an alpha male who doesn't give a shit if he gets rejected or not.
The average Joe always hesitates before an approach. He tries to convince himself why he's worthy to approach the girl. He gives her too much value and too little to himself. He thinks of all the things he could say to her and how she would respond. Finally, when he has mustered up enough courage to approach her, he walks over. He mumbles something (something she doesn't even understand) and tries nervously and desperately to hold her attention. She does not respond the way he hoped to and turns away from him. He has just gotten rejected. As he is walking away, he is devastated because he missed "his big chance" and hopes no one saw his approach. He probably won't approach girls for a long time anymore and to make himself feel better, he might even call her a bitch (behind her back of course). The alpha guy sees a woman he likes and starts, without hesitation, walking straight towards her. Nothing will stop him now, and the possibility of getting rejected won't even enter his mind. Like everyone, he might have some fear when he approaches, but he doesn't let it get to him. When he opens the conversation, all the girl sees is his confident posture and relaxed attitude. From the outside, there is no trace of fear left in him. Even when he gets rejected, he won't care and start over-analyzing why this happened to him. He won't care if other people saw his "embarrassing" approach. He knows that she was just one girl and many women would be happy to meet him. He finds another one he likes and approaches her.
The difference between the average Joe and the alpha? It only depends on how anyone can deal with rejection and approach anxiety. If you can brush it off like it's nothing, you won't become so outcome dependent and have more success in general. You will be more confident and free to act the way you want to.
So, all I can tell you here is to start approaching regardless of how hard it feels. If you do it regularly, you start to enjoy it and your fears will fade. You maybe never lose your fear completely, but you will learn to deal with it. Don't let your fear dictate your behavior, learn to overcome it. Remember, the only way you can avoid rejection and anxiety that comes with it is to stop interacting with women altogether. Do you really want to take that step?
Want a Better Solution?
Now, if this didn't provide you the solution you wanted and you need a more hands-on approach on dealing with this topic, I would suggest for you to take a look at my course Rules of the Alpha Male. It can really help you to overcome your fear of rejection and the anxieties and insecurities you're dealing with.