A man and woman embracing passionately.

A man who never struggles with relationship issues or any insecurity issues for that matter, could be considered an alpha male.

But sometimes it can be a bit hard to imagine him in a relationship. How does he behave in one? What kind of expectations does he have? What about his attitude?

To answer these questions, this article will provide you with a general overview and hopefully explain to you everything you need to know about alpha males in relationships.

Just one thing before we dive deeper into this topic: don’t start to panic if you aren’t doing everything in your relationship that is on the list below.

If your relationship is going strong, you don’t have to force these things. Just keep them in mind and consider them as a guide to helping you to improve yours.

But if your relationships always end in disasters and you have no idea why, then this list will be a useful asset to you.

And if you want to become an alpha in your relationship, then you should know that I recently launched my own course called Rules of the Alpha Male.

Not only does it cover everything discussed in the article but it actually includes one book (Alpha Relationships) dedicated specifically to men wanting to improve their relationships!

Now, without further ado, here are five examples of how an alpha male behaves in relationships (and you should too):

The Alpha Male in a Relationship

1. Has an abundance mentality. First and foremost, the alpha keeps an abundance mentality even when he starts a relationship – a huge difference between him and an average guy.

When the average Joe jumps into a relationship because he can’t stand to be alone, an alpha male gets into a relationship because he found a girl he wants as his girlfriend.

The biggest difference between them: the first guy needs the girl; the second one wants the girl.

When an alpha man decides to become exclusive with a woman (yes, he is usually the one making the decision), he goes into this relationship with a distinct mindset – he knows that he has a lot to offer and isn’t in it to get.

This means that he isn’t in the relationship because he needs something from his girlfriend. He is in it because he found someone he can share his life with.

And if it, for whatever reason, doesn’t work out with one girl, he knows that there are other women around!

He doesn’t obsess about “the one that got away” and therefore won’t be affected by the loss so much as other men would.

Of course, this doesn’t mean that he takes the relationship lightly!

He cares as much as any other man would, it’s just not in his nature to look at women as they were scarce.

2. Has his own life. Guys often make the mistake in relationships where they lose all interest in the things they used to do and dedicate all their time and attention to their woman.

Before they had a girlfriend, they were busy with their own lives (friends and hobbies), but after she came into the picture, everything else had to be suddenly dropped and she became the center of the attention.

An alpha male is always busy, even when he is in a committed relationship. He has his own stuff to do and places to be.

He won’t suddenly drop everything just because he found a girlfriend.

He will always find the time for his friends and doesn’t dependent on her company alone to have a good time.

In fact, he balances the time he has for his girlfriend and friends.

3. Isn’t hoping for a girlfriend to define him. When a guy gets into a relationship, he usually changes for the better or worse (depending on what kind of girl he is dating).

The problem here is that many men don’t really have a firm sense of who they are.

When they find a girlfriend, they hope that she will finally define it for them. They lack a direction in life and hope that their partner will provide them with the answer.

When a guy in a relationship relies on his girlfriend to define who he is as a person, he becomes dependent on her.

Eventually, this will backfire when she decides that he isn’t worth her time anymore and leaves.

This will make him feel like he just lost his identity and purpose. It will make him desperate to win her back or replaces her with another girl to regain what he lost.

That’s why many men could learn a lot from an alpha male. He already knows who he is and there is not much a woman can do to change that.

Sure, when he thinks that she can guide him to a better path, he takes it, but initially, it’s still his decision.

When an alpha starts the relationship, it will never cross his mind that he needs someone else to define him as a person.

4. Is making the decisions. Women want a decisive man, period!

If a guy can’t make a simple decision by himself and always has to rely on his girlfriend to make the final call, eventually she will start to lose attraction for him.

Even when he is just trying to be nice and considerate, women oftentimes see it as a weakness.

An alpha is always the “guy with the plan”. His girlfriend knows that she can rely on him 100% to make the tough decisions.

She will always turn to him when they need to make a decision and he will have the final say.

This doesn’t mean he discards her opinion completely. He always considers the opinion of a woman, but when it comes to making important calls, he won’t hesitate to make them.

5. Isn’t a pushover. Many men in relationships lack a backbone.

The woman is the one who makes all the important decisions (sometimes even for them) and always has her way.

These guys just don’t know when to take a stand and use the word “NO” when it’s needed. They do everything to avoid a confrontation with a woman in fear of angering her.

I have already written about how a woman always tests a man, and if he seems like a spineless wimp, she will just dump him. That’s why guys need to learn how an alpha handles these situations.

The alpha male isn’t afraid of speaking his mind and getting into a disagreement with his girlfriend.

When it’s obvious that his girlfriend is testing him, he has no problems responding accordingly and making it clear that he doesn’t tolerate her behavior.

She might not like it, but in the long run, she will respect him for it.

In Conclusion

These five simple tips portray how an alpha male would behave in his relationship with a woman.

Now, if you are looking for fulfilling and lasting relationships, then my course covers it all. Like already mentioned, it covers everything this article discussed and even goes very deep into the topic of becoming a fulfilled man.

It applies to every guy, whether he is single or in a long-term relationship, but will be especially beneficial to someone looking for a girlfriend.

At the end of the day, stay true to yourself and don’t change because of someone else.

Don’t sacrifice your identity for them. Because if they give up on you, you will lose everything.

Change because you need to, because you want it, and not because she might expect it from you.


  1. Nicholas Winters

    Mar 31, 2018 at 4:11pm

    I did not recieve my intro email or the free ebook " how to attract any girl" as promised for signing up.

    1. John

      AUTHOR Apr 1, 2018 at 7:32pm

      Did you check the spam/trash folder? It's strange that on my end I see 3 emails sent your way (you only should have received one) so maybe they bounced. Could be that AOL is blocking them. Maybe if you sign up with a different email address, you'll start receiving them normally. If you still have troubles, contact me directly.

    2. hello i am in a going on 5 year relatioship with an alpha male and its very very challenging. sometimes i just want to give up cuz i just dont know if i can keep hanging with him. everything in the introduction is true how he is. i try so hard to make him happy but it seems he always has something to gripe at me about. weather it being that he thinks im selfish and thinking thats its all about me or not paying attention or saying what he thinks is stupid to him. i know he loves me. and cares about me deeply but his passion is so abrasive and harsh. i keep trying to be the way he wants me to be because i love him but he makes it very difficult for me

    3. "I did not recieve my intro email or the free ebook ” how to attract any girl” as promised for signing up." Lesson one, an alpha would not be crying over the fact that he did not get the promised ebook. A real alpha would suck it up and say, " I don't need that book for needy wimpy guys anyway."

  2. Diane Larue

    Feb 8, 2018 at 7:25pm

    I am in a newish relationship with a Alpha. I am divorced from an Alpha who left I am a smart,funny, well read, traveled, mother and grandmother. I am very creative and work with kids and in the theater. I am submissive in bed and extremely passionate.I work very hard not to give control to the men in my life. The man I am with now is a business owner (of course) who is extremely sexual. We have an amazing time together. He can be kind and sweet, he cooks for me, takes me out to nice dinners and cocktails. He has committed to me that I am his girlfriend and the first woman he has slept overnight with in many years. He, however, chats and talks with many other woman. He is very adamant that I not have other men in my life. Unless he wants me to have sex with them at his request....( which we havent done, btw) Because my husband of 25 years left me for another woman I feel insecure about his chatting...he encourages me to read them, believing somehow that because he is transparent its ok. I know baggage is unfair. But it is there anyway. I work on it in therapy....He is not changing... this is entertainment for him. Any feedback?

    1. I can understand your dilemma. For him to say that you can't have other men in your life while he himself chats with other women is kind of hypocritical. But there isn't much I can tell you. You either try to deal with your situation or leave him.

  3. Hey everyone i wanted to ask to ask how do i change from being a d**k, i have two problems i am very competitive and like winning and i go in rage mode when i lose and i takes me ages to calm down and i am also very arrogant i think highly of my self and think of everyone else as being below me, i know i need to change for the better but i have been this while for years now and dont know where to start any advice would be great thanks.

    1. Hey Robbie, it looks to me that you have an ego problem. You can start on my site by searching for "How to Get Rid of Your Ego" and then move on from there.

  4. Excellent Site! My Folks always told me to try and reason with people. Walk away! Never pick a Fight, but Defend yourself! I'm learning much reading the comments here, my s/o and I, been together 24 yrs. Her and I are both rooted in our ways, Compromise is a tough one have to see how Life plays out. Thanks for a Great Informative Site!

  5. Hey. I had a girlfriend for a year, then we split up. I was still loving her but our relationship wasn’t doing so good because of our own personal problems. We were abusing each other to be honest. I was aggressive, and jealous, and possessive. And she was dramatic, hysterical. But like I said, it was a bad time for both us, we were dealing with personal problems. So after 9 months spent apart, she got back to me, followed me on Twitter, and hit me up in the dms. I behaved friendly and nice, as she was to me. It didn’t feel any bad, and I realized that I missed her, so I told her that. So we started to talk again, but I have feelings for her again. I don’t think she has feelings though as he’s talking with another guy. They’re not flirting, just talking. They’re kinda at pre-flirt phase. So how should I proceed? I’ve never seen myself as a beta male, I’ve never let anyone treat me like a pushover, even her(she’s the only woman I really loved). I was the leader, I had control over relationship. But for the first time in my life I don’t know what to do. I changed a lot, for myself. I dealt with my personal problems. She dealt with it too. How should I proceed, as an Alpha male so to speak?

    1. It's very good that you can admit your faults, but have you fixed them now? Are you certain you wouldn't get jealous, aggressive and possessive (signs of insecurity) again? And what about her? Are you sure that if you both decided to get back together, you wouldn't abuse each other again? I would advise you against trying again and just find another girl. But if she still has feelings for you and you decide to give it another try, at least work on the things that broke you up.

    2. She lost interest in you man it's that simple. Unfortunately your in the friend zone now and she is no longer sexually attracted to you. She wants to be cool with you that's it. And that won't change, play it cool or she'll think your pathetic and feel bad for you. And you don't want that!!! You want her to remember you as being mad cool. Other chicks will hear about you by word of mouth and you want that. No disrespect though us men have to stick together. She's looking for excitement mystery and thrills all In one. It's what drives women to want a certain guy. He's mysterious and he doesn't have to be gorgeous either, he doesn't take crap from any other guys and refuses to be pushed around stands up to and is ready to fight anytime and trust me women go nuts for that! They find not being afraid to stand up for yourself sexy. You don't have to be really big and strong you just don't allow yourself to be bullied show no fear do what you got to do. Also women love secret romances with a guy where its just the two of you no one else knows. Didn't you always want to know why chicks love romance novels? Because there's something exciting and thrilling about secret love affairs that no one else knows about just the 2 of you. Also women love bad boys even if they say and agree with others that your bad news they secretly want you bad! Even when there own friends and parents say to stay away from you, They'll do the opposite. You have to get inside there heads then trust me man you'll have them eating out of your palm!!!

  6. John, First off, thanks for the post. I have been trying to look into ways to increase assertiveness/dominance in order to transition into a more alpha role and increase my quality of life, as I am rather flexible between an active/passive person in a relationship. I was with my partner of 5 years, who split things off with me because she lost our "spark" for romance and said that she was beginning to get tired of being dominant in the relationship; I wasn't a completely passive person, but she did take on more responsibilities as we lived together and I was in grad school. I then found out that she was having an affair with someone else (also in a serious relationship) that she "clicked with," and said that she wanted to be with someone else who would "challenge her to be a better person" and be more alpha (I guess?) in a relationship. This is all stuff she could have addressed to me before seeing him, but hadn't told me until it was too late, as they developed feelings for each other. She wants me to stay best friends, as we have lived and been together for such a long time. I want to know what an alpha male would do. Is another man who cheats considered a real alpha/dominant male who can make someone a better person? I want to be friends and remain close in hopes of the future, but I know that isn't the best way to portray how I feel about everything. Thanks for reading, and look forward to a response from you!

    1. Stealing someone's girlfriend isn't really alpha behavior (assuming that was his intention). Making someone else a better person doesn't make a guy alpha either. So I really can't tell you if he is one or not, and that's irrelevant. What's important here is that you move on and learn from this experience. Find a new girl and this time be the leader she expects you to be (and stay one)!

  7. I'm feeling like a big BETA male at the moment, I've been with a girl for 3 years who is the love of my life. and I know she loves me too... But I have no control in the relationship. She's never angry with me but she's a master at guilt tripping, crying and sudden mood swings, and she separates from me when i don't do what she want's. I'm scared of upsetting her as she is highly depressed and has been suicidal in the past. Also because she left me once and I hardly survived that time. I'm so scared of that happening again. I've tried talking to her about it and she said she'd try to work on it but she just went back to old habits again. Is there anything i can do to get control of this relationship before it ends up crashing and burning? What would an alpha male do?

    1. It seems that your biggest problem isn't having control in the relationship but that you are terrified of losing her. You can't be in control if you're too afraid to walk away. Does this mean you should? Of course not! Work on the problems together with her, but also work on yourself so if your relationship happens to fall apart, you can at least pick yourself up again. The thing is, if you're unhappy with her and can't fix what is bothering you, you have to walk away. That's what an alpha would do.


    Jul 18, 2017 at 6:26am

    Do alpha males tell you about bad things that happened in previous relationships to be honest and open or to make you worry ?

    1. Why would anyone tell you about the bad things that happened in the past just to make you worry? That's definitely not alpha behavior...

  9. I'm in the very early stage of my 'association' with an alpha male. He pursued me very chivalrously for about 2 weeks before we took a weekend trip to his summerhouse and basically spent the whole time in bed - clearly there was a strong connection ('primal' in his words) that affected both of us. I now haven't heard from him in about 5 days. We live 3 hours apart and he is obviously extremely busy with work etc. Is this to be expected or is all hope lost? Shall I just keep leaning back and waiting for him to call when he is ready?

    1. John

      AUTHOR Jul 1, 2017 at 4:49pm

      Just call him/send him a message and if he doesn't respond, forget about him.

  10. Just be yourself, and true to yourself! Learn how to take care of yourself and loved ones. The sky is open to the thought of infinite wisdom.

  11. As an alpha woman in a relationship with an alpha man, there is a great deal about our relationship that appears to be quite different from those of most of our friends. We are both able to relinquish our control over a situation if the other comes up with a better idea or solution. Alpha men aren't your average tough guy or sensitive guy. Instead, they are men who often have gone through extreme pain and overcome it so that it makes them stronger in the long run. They are also often alone, for to be an alpha often means you are alone. As a woman, only the man I am with has ever been able to handle my strength of character and mesh with my independence. Those around me in my daily life do not understand how I can be graceful, sensual, intelligent, and strong while taking on the world with complete feminine confidence. Alpha men share similar struggles as the alpha men that I am thankful to have in my life are also some of the most gentle, kind, and genuine men I have ever met. They are able to tell it straight without the BS while being gentle. Machismo has nothing to do with being an alpha nor does superiority. They will, however, take on injustice in the world especially if they see women being abused. They are the men I love most. Mine waited nearly a decade for me to let him out of the brother zone and make up my mind. Due to the timing, we are in a long distance relationship with neither of us able to move right now thanks to very specific circumstances and haven't seen one another since we were teens. Seriously, take away the technology we have today and we'd be the ultimate romance story from the 1800s. It's nice to see an article that at least covers the basics of what being an alpha is about, be you a man or a woman. Thank you!

    1. Wow, thank you so much for your inspiring comment. I really connected with it. I'm in a similar situation with a female friend that I've known for years...we're also in different countries now, so our contact is all long distance. But hearing your story confirms for me what kind of man I want to be and gives me hope not to give up on the woman in my life either.

    2. David, While my man is very private by nature and for his sake I won't go into the exact details of his pained past, I will tell you that while he went through that pained past I was the one from our school days who never ghosted on him, told it to him straight, and stayed up for hours when he needed someone most. We've been in one another's corners since we were 12 years old because we began as best friends who later established a chosen siblinghood. Even though we saw one another at our worst -- for I was in the midst of chronic depression minus mania that hit a point where my campus doctor told me, "Here is my cell number and my pager number. If you ever lose your sex drive, contact me immediately because you will be at the suicide stage" -- we still held one another up and it's because of one another that we managed to keep going. After enduring our personal hells, he tried to get out of the brother zone on more than one occasion only to be politely refused. He had a VIP seat to every relationship that I went through as my personal relationship coach. He could honestly make a ton of money off of helping women with their relationships if he wanted to because his advice is truly insightful. He picked up the pieces every single time and he waited. In hindsight, we were in an open relationship all those years. I simply refused to accept it (the why is another story). Though about 2000 miles separates us right now, I draw on his masculinity and he draws on my femininity for strength when our lives are driving us nuts or we need reassurance that we are doing the right thing. We also consistently rise above adversity by learning from it and choosing to better ourselves through it instead of becoming bitter and petty because life isn't fair. I'm proud of you, David, for striving to be a better man. The best advice I can give you is to know yourself. That doesn't mean you will always know what you want in life. It does mean that you will know what you are capable of handling and what you definitely do not want in life. I'll use myself as an example. I'm on the other side of 25, nearing 30, and a virgin by choice. Based on how guys react to me, I could easily hook up with anyone I pleased. So why don't I? Because I know myself. I have no desire to get caught in the following situations: 1) emotional guilt and shame when a guy ghosts or breaks up with me 2) increased depth of emotion and connection when I am already a very intense, emotional woman who connects with men deeply 3) having the 3am boil over that stems from, "if I pushed her to sleep with me, then who else got there before me?" after years of marriage 4) being on an ex's list and compounding the betrayal felt by his wife/partner when she finds out 5) excess drama Just to clarify, I'm not knocking my fellow ladies that choose a different path from that of the virgin. If they want to go out and have loads of sex, that's their business. Personally, I don't feel the need or desire to have sex in an attempt to fulfill myself. My self-confidence, self-love, and extreme comfort in who I am as a woman means that I fulfill myself without needing a man. There's a difference between needing and wanting a man. I've never gone looking out of need, only out of want. I find life is richer with a man who compliments me as a woman and visa versa. My man has known my rationale for remaining a virgin for many years. Even though he would love to engage in sex with me, he decided that no matter how much I might want it I'm going to get it until married because he wants our relationship to remain harmonious and free of guilt. While I don't know your specific relationship with said woman, David, I will leave you with a warning because I don't want you going through what I endured for four years previous to accepting that my best friend and chosen brother was the man for me. Beware becoming the Invisible Man. If she is coming to you for love and support and jokes around with you, then you still have a chance; especially if she is worried about ever hurting you because she loves you and wants the very best for you. However, if she gives you little to no attention in return, doesn't return texts and calls, doesn't comment on your facebook posts, and basically ignores you, you may want to consider moving on. Again. I don't know the particulars of your situation beyond distance, but I know what it feels like to be stuck in unrequited love. It's one of the most difficult feelings for an alpha to endure, but it needed to happen for me to be where I am now for private reasons. After he terminated contact, I cried, got angry (though, I've got to give him total credit for breaking contact properly and kindly), and left that toxic situation with my head held high and didn't look back because I felt free. The moral here is listen to the warning signs and choose to either pursue or look for another. I didn't go looking for another during that time and should have -- it would have minimalized my pain even further -- whereas my love did go looking for other women but never entered into serious relationships with any of them because they didn't meet the bar I'd set somewhere along the way. I'm glad to hear that my insights have helped you. Just be careful, okay? I don't want you getting hurt. J

  12. So can a alpha man be faithful? That is my big question. I made one like me a lot and when i meet him i always have the feeling that such a man needs more than one woman or at least one very powerful woman. Like, he is tall and very hard on the outside and is head of his department and stuff. I managed to become very strong because i wanted to get away from the bad people in my life but I feel like this isn't my normal energy. I'm rather sensitive and agreeable. At the moment I feel like everything would be fine but I just don't have his bodily and psychic strength. Have any of you hard alphas ever dated a sensitive woman and what did she do to keep up (except from being physically attractive, this is hella boring!)? Thanks for answers, they're very appreciated!

  13. John, You are missing it. Real Alpha gets it. Please understand. I never beat up a guy in front of his girl just for the sake of doing it or to try to look cool at the other guy's expense. I only did after HE had tried to be vicious and venomous to ME in front of the girl to try and glorify himself at the expense of someone he did not realize could beat his ass. HE was the one being callous and malicious. He simply got what he had coming, man. I understand what Real Alpha is saying, and he genuinely understood what I was initially saying. Many times in real life the way he describes it is exactly how it goes down. You're right that the guys who do this sort of aggressive and confrontational thing to others are not true alphas. I get it. But, you don't just walk away when a guy attempts to ABUSE you. If he gets his ass kicked when he's got it coming then (1) he got what he deserved and (2) perhaps he'll think twice before attempting to abuse the next decent, well-meaning guy. The guy Real Alpha is talking about tried to demean him in front of his girl and then made reference to SLAPPING the guy and did it TWICE. You don't just walk away from that kind of unprovoked mistreatment of yourself and your girl. At the point where the ahole takes it to that level he gets whatever he gets. Real alpha did not ASK for this guy's rabid and heartless bs. If the guy gets his ass kicked after doing that to a decent, friendly and well-meaning man and his girl he deserves it. Real Alpha kept his cool and that's admirable. But, in my opinion he'd have had every right to have laid this asshole out in the street. I'm glad I came upon this site again so that I could clarify what I was saying at the onset. It is regrettable, but there are a lot of heartless and abusive guys out there who don't understand anything short of getting their asses beat. I would prefer that not be the case but it just plain is the case many times in real life.

    1. Fair enough. And I already told you, I even agree with you on some points. If they leave you no other choice, kick their ass. But try to understand my perspective as well. When I say that you can, in fact, walk away from some encounters (and that I have actually done it) then why use violence? The point I try to get across is that you're not any less of a man if you can walk away from such people. No matter what they call you, why would something like that affect you in any way? You already know that you can beat them up, why ruin your night by fighting them? You don't like the term "alpha male" so I use your definition "real man" here. Why would a real man need to demonstrate his dominance over someone who is basically a pathetic loser by beating them up? You laugh at his attempts to intimidate you and walk away (again, done that). If his response to this is to "come at you" then you knock him out. But not before he gives you a real reason. But what you're doing right now is encouraging people to fight such idiots. You basically said that you're not a real man unless you kick a guy's ass who is threatening you. Not everyone has your kind of skillset, so it's likely they get their ass handed to them. And before you say anything, I've done Muay Thai, so I know what I'm talking about. Before I went head-to-head with guys who were way better than me, I thought I was a good fighter (like probably 90% of the male population). Only after a couple of sparring rounds, did I realize that I couldn't fight for shit. But if you come here with your talk about how real men beat up such guys, you are basically encouraging random guys (who don't know how to fight, but think they can) to fight some random idiots because they think that this is the definition of a real man. You, of all people, should know that the results might not be as positive as with your encounters. Also, have you ever thought about what's going to happen if you by accident kill the other guy? As you know, if you fight on the streets, you're not in a controlled environment. What if you hit him so hard that he falls down and hits his head on the side of the curb? There have actually been guys killed this way. Your excuse that he used some nasty words ain't gonna cut it in front of a judge. Of course, there are million other things that can go wrong. What I'm trying to say here is that you're taking a huge risk by getting into a fist fight in the first place with some random asshole just because he insulted you when you actually could have walked away. The guy threatening Real Alpha was a pathetic loser. Why should he fight with such a guy? To prove his manliness to his woman? No, women don't care about that! Unless he is a complete wimp, he has nothing to prove to her. Do you really think that she would just dump him because some random asshole abused him with words and he refused to fight? Of course not! Most likely he would just have ruined her night by fighting (yes, even if he'd won). Also, in no way did the guy mistreat his girlfriend (judging by his description), unless you count a compliment as some weird way of mistreatment. I don't condemn RAs actions. He threatened the guy, and that's ALWAYS better than actually fighting. The only thing that got a beating was his ego, but he's probably going to be okay (I hope). If he learns to ignore the other guys completely, his gf will be even more impressed by him. My message to you and RA is this: if words (not actions) are the reason why you feel justified to hit someone, then you have a lot of soul searching to do. Trying to avoid a fight is always the best option. And I know exactly where you both are coming from. I've been in a couple of street fights myself to protect my friends. And I have been threatened by countless guys. But you know what? Since I don't give a shit about their threats, I just go on about enjoying my night. AND because they know that they can't intimidate me, they don't have the balls to do anything to me. I allowed your comment, but I won't do it again because it has nothing to do with the topic of the article. You'll get a notification to the email address you provided, IF you want to discuss this topic further, please send a message to the address that you'll see after "Report Abuse to:" in the footer section.


  15. I just have to share how happy I am with my Alpha husband!! We got married in September. Recently he had a hard talk with me about how mean I was being to him. Calling him names and disrespecting him. That was the norm in our 4 year relationship. He was harsh, honest, real and compassionate in this conversation. I accepted what he told me. I let myself be vulnerable and I dealt with my reactions and self soothed. I had not been doing that before. The results have been tremendous!!! I respect him so much. (Side note: My friend who's also an Alfa Male told me that Respect is more intimate than sex.) I now deal with my reactions. I don't rely on him anymore to make me feel better. I am now reliably loving, encouraging and understanding with him. He has given me so much in return. So much unconditional love, tenderness and connection. Our sex is electric like it used to be when we first started dating. We also have productive discussions and clear, easy communication. I have been more strait forward with him. It's been a dream. I've also been on a journey of self love and connection to spirit. This was really the foundation for me to make these changes in our relationship. I cant stress enough how important it is to be strong in yourself when being a part of a relationship. And this is not something you can get by not having when you are in a relationship with an Alpha Male. Much respect to Alpha Males! Thank you for teaching us all to have a healthy relationship to masculine energy.

    1. John

      AUTHOR Jan 1, 2017 at 4:49pm

      It's always nice to hear such things from women. Thank you for sharing your story, Colleen!

    2. Hey Colleen, I'm seeking advice! You seem to be a rather "spiritual" woman. Me too. I have turned the head of one of those hard guys (though he's somewhat still in his juvenile shoes or so;). How is it dating one? Is it really like you stay in the cave all day and he comes home and provides? It's kinda a thing I don't think very appealing to me. Or is it rather you both are achievers? I want to have a great life and I'm not sure if an alpha is a good choice for a woman that dreams big. regards!

    3. Vera, I know I'm not Colleen, but I am an alpha woman in a solid, loving, committed relationship with an alpha man. Every alpha man in my life, of which there are many, love women who dream big and actively strive to make their dreams reality. You see because they are alpha men they don't feel threatened by independent women with their own dreams and desires in life. If anything, if a man is truly an alpha he will aspire to help you achieve your dream rather than squash it or ensure you can't attain it because you make him feel insecure or inferior. At the same time, you need to actively support him in his dreams because relationships go both ways. As a writer, I will work from home creating while he works outside the home. As he once told me, "I build the flower box and you make it pretty." By that he didn't mean I need to be a housewife, though if that's what a woman wants to do there is nothing wrong with it, he simply meant that he is willing to provide so I may focus on my art without worrying about contributing financially. He understands I'm in a very cutthroat career, he wants me to succeed, and isn't threatened that my dreams will emasculate him in the event he needs to wear the apron in the relationship at times. If you're a woman with big dreams and aspirations, then finding yourself a true alpha is the only way to go. Anyone less than a true alpha will be threatened by you. ~J

  16. And what does the "alpha male" do when he gets his ass kicked in the parking lot in front of his so-called wife or girlfriend? All this is bs. So-called "alpha males" get dumped all the time after the initial stages wear off. They're the biggest candy asses going when they get dumped because they think they're so great and are astounded when the girl tells them to take a friggin' hike. The first time a regular guy stands up to them in front of the female and they don't hammer the guy - that's the first day of the progression to the end of the relationship. The female's image of the "alpha male" always fades big-time after awhile. Most of these dudes are all show and no balls. I used to fight in the ring and, when forced, on the street. I have kicked the living hell out of more of these kinds of guys than I can remember. The "alpha male" type is usually an easy fight because he's gotten by without HAVING to fight very often, if at all. He don't look too "alpha" when he's KO'd in the street. These guys are often secretly very insecure as they attempt to give off the impression of this "alpha male" bs. Girls dump them all the time, man. I'm older now, but I'll tell you what I learned in my youth. There are "alpha males" and then there are the actual MEN that kick the shit out of the "alpha males" - after the thinks-he's-great "alpha male" runs into the wrong friggin' country boy.

    1. Wow, there is a lot of butthurt coming from this comment. Did someone hurt your feelings so you had to come here to vent? Did some girl dump you because of an alpha male? You do know that kicking the shit out of someone doesn't make you "an actual MAN", right? And bragging about it just makes you pathetic. Getting into a fistfight with someone is what normal people try to avoid, only idiots who think it's a sign of a manliness constantly get into fights (they're the most insecure people ever!). Also, if you really have fought in the ring before, you're a disgrace if you go around beating up people who don't have your skills. Real fighters don't go around picking fights with strangers. They know that they can do some real damage to another person and instead of beating them into a bloody pulp, try to de-escalate a situation peacefully. Fighting someone should be the last resort, not something "actual MEN" do! Looks like with age, you have learned nothing. You have just become more of an insecure, bitter ass who instead of using his brain to solve problems, uses his fists. Good luck, you really need it! But I do agree with you on one thing. Guys who run around calling themselves "alpha" really aren't alpha.

      1. Read my comment, pal. I clearly state I fought on the street when I was forced to do so. I tried to diffuse confrontational situations with courtesy and diplomacy. That, however, just makes most violent psychopaths take one's attempts at kindness and diplomacy as a sign of weakness. Only then did they get their asses kicked. Yeah, you're right, normal people try to avoid it. However, if you've got any actual life or street smarts you realize that it cannot always be avoided because there are a lot of vicious, venomous people out in real life - who only understand physical pain and dominance. I thought you were an "alpha male" and yet you don't understand this? These sorts of people were looking to do real damage to ME, man. They got what they had coming. I never went looking for it and I never started it. This is a concept that an "alpha male" should readily understand without needing an experienced man to convey it to him. Some wet-ass millennial or gen X kid is going to tell me I have not learned anything? You have no idea what you're talking about, kid. You display your lack of any real life or street smarts with your response to my comment. This whole "alpha male" thing is kiddie bs. In time you will find that to be true. There are men who take care of business when they have to - and then there are guys who go around acting like a supposed "alpha male". They are two completely different kinds of individuals. You seem to have no concept of that. To a man who has genuinely been around the block in life and on the street this "alpha male" thing is, again, kiddie bs. I was not "venting", kid. I was simply telling you the truth as a man who's actually lived it on the street and sees it with hindsight and experience. Believe whatever you will.

        1. So, you're giving me shit because I don't know you, but then you turn it around and call me a kid, a wet-ass millennial or gen X? Wow, way to go, pal. You don't know me either, so how about you stop assuming shit about me? Like I told you, fighting should be the last resort and if you really only fought because you didn't have any other chance, fair enough. My apologies. Hell, I even agree with you on teaching assholes a lesson! However, comments like "And what does the “alpha male” do when he gets his ass kicked in the parking lot in front of his so-called wife or girlfriend?" and how you gleefully beat up others, make you look like the aggressor. Usually a guy who is with his wife/gf doesn't start fights with others. Every guy who does (and they're in the minority), is definitely not an alpha male! Also, read my other articles and you will clearly see that what you call an "alpha male" I call an asshole. You come here talking shit about beating up alpha males while you have your own definition of who one is. It's very different from mine, but of course you didn't even bother to find out before spewing your bs. You came here bashing my article on how "real men" would beat up other people, like this is something to be proud of. Also, you do know that life doesn't revolve around fighting others, right? While we have different life experiences, it's kind of arrogant of you to assume that your experience is superior to mine just because you've been "around the block". It's funny, though, you use quotation marks when talking about alpha males, and I would do the same, when talking about these people you have mentioned in your comments. That's because I don't consider them alpha males. In fact, I advise my readers to avoid using the term "alpha male" because it makes you look like a wannabe when you call yourself that. But enough of this. I won't publish your comments here anymore because they are irrelevant to this article. However, if you want to continue this discussion, feel free to contact me directly and we can talk over e-mail.

        2. Dude f**k what these guys are saying about you not being an Alpha - these guys are so delusional it's ridiculous! I can only AGREE with your post. I'm 26 and for some reason I've always had people try put me down in social situations and I've always had someone try act "alpha" to boost their ego by putting me down. I've never tried to act alpha, I've always been comfortable with myself even though I don't think of myself as much at all. I feel like people who have to consciously TRY to act alpha, are clearly insecure deep down inside! And YOU'RE RIGHT, it's ALWAYS THOSE "alphas" that end up getting their ass beat! Same like you, I've never gone looking for trouble, but for some reason, it always finds me. These "alphas" will go to the lengths of threatening with physical violence, so I don't see it as wrong one bit. It's strange to me because I'm always a friendly guy to everyone I meet, and I'm always open to new people being introduced into my social circle and always look at the best side of people. But for some guys I meet its clearly obvious they feel I'm some kind of threat, they have to come out with petty shit OFF THE BAT FOR NO OTHER REASON THAN TRYING TO ACT "ALPHA" that usually ends up with getting their ass beat. I just got back from a party with my girl, do you know how many INSECURE guys who thought they were "alpha" I had to fend off? It's actually f**king hilarious. So this one guy on our way out, tells my girl she's beautiful. I say thank you. Clearly not impressed by me taking his compliment to my girl so well, he turns to me and says he can slap me up because he's older than me. I laugh it off. This eats him inside more, so much that he has to say the exact same thing again. At this point, I tell him I'm about to SLAP THE SH*T OUT OF HIM. And it ruins my night, because I don't like being aggressive to people, but when they deserve it, they deserve it. But these "alphas" usually aint been through shit in life and wont do shit, and are usually called out on it when they come across someone who really WILL do shit, because the REAL alphas are hiding with the quiet, normal people just looking to have a good time.

    2. All that is nice and everything. I don't feel like I need to put most of my credentials and put down a label of "alpha". For all the tough things you wrote that you have done, I or people that I know has been through tougher. My dad? Oh he was in Vietnam and Operation Desert Shield. Me? Oh, former Probation Officer, Former L.E. and been in fights in Krav Maga. I have been at the business end of a guy with a pistol. I have been through my fair of shit, sir. My question remains. Why put down other guys that are attempting to be stronger than they are?

    3. A true Alpha knows how to control the situation at every point. What you described is not an alpha. I am an alpha-beta female, I will only date an alpha because I know he will always maintain control and give me a chance to sideline, however, my strength is the attraction because he knows I can handle him. Personally, I have no interest in dating a beta because here's no challenge or standard. Being an alpha nothing to do with aggression, although, they take no shit. Read it again...its about respect. An alpha commands respect and will always return it, but they won't get stepped on...ever.

    4. Hi. I happen to know that all these so called feminists look down on any action considered masculine like fighting one on one in the street and that any guy who does must have some hidden fear or chip on their shoulder.Seems like they twisted what you were saying.You weren't showing off and I agree with you.Most of these broads would be thanking you if you fought like this defending THEM. I am tired of women being feminists only when it served them- only being equal in the bad things men happen to do.Ask them to be selfless and nurturing, to save money ,cook, or breastfeed and they will have tons of excuses. And they will come up with a lie they can tell themselves and each other about me to feel better.

      1. Are you kidding me? This guy obviously has a chip on his shoulder when he comes here talking about beating up a man in front of his girlfriend or wife. That's not how real men behave nor is it masculine! And nowhere did he say anything about defending women! You are probably the densest person who has ever commented here. You think that this site has some kind of feminist views? That I, along with others here, twisted his message? The stupidity of your statement is mind-boggling and insulting. The reason why everyone disagrees with him isn't because of feminism. It's because he is in the wrong! You are barking up the wrong tree here. Maybe you should take a look at what this site is about before coming here with your incoherent bs?

    5. "I have kicked the living hell out of more of these kinds of guys than I can remember." wow, thanks for the laugh. Pro-tip: if you are having trouble remembering fights, you probably didn't win them. Also, if you are having that number of fights with strangers, probably time to reevaluate who the psychopath is.

  17. Being an alpha male is not all beer and skittles. Being truly respectful and admiring the female essence creates a whole new set of problems. Women trust alpha males in ways one did not think of before. Non alpha females tempt alpha males with almost no input from you at all. Sending lingerie selfies to illicit a response from the alpha male. Of course if the alpha male's partner is also an alpha female it can be resolved, however this is not always an easy task.

    1. As an alpha woman, I'm curious about these problems you allude to. You want to talk about inappropriate messages? Alright. Just for putting up a smiling photo of myself on facebook, I am constantly subjected to messages like the following from unknown males who have no concept of what it means to respect a lady. Hey Let's see those tits. Take it off for me baby. I want to c*m to you. Hey there. *d**k pic* This is a tame selection of unanswered messages from males I've never even heard of that I simply ignore and have learned not to bother reading. I don't act or dress provocatively and I'm known for being a class act. So tell me again how horrible it must be for you to receive lingerie selfies with "almost no input from you at all." Your entire comment proves that you are not an alpha male because you are whining about inconsequential things. Your entire comment reeks of self-absorption and a machismo complex you are trying to hide. If you were an alpha male, you would truly respect women, not girls in the bodies of women, and you would simply ignore said girls while moving on with your life because you have better things to think about than the number of girls sending you lingerie selfies. Also, I assure you that when two alphas bond together in a loving relationship founded on trust, he's not getting lingerie selfies. He is getting the value package that challenges him to be his best self while he challenges her to be her best self. There is no resolution needed because they understand where the other is coming from almost instinctively. When you're done BSing yourself and let go of your egotistical thoughts about females as a whole; not to mention your deluded notion that respecting and admiring the female essence creates problems, come talk to me. Until then, don't waste everyone's time with your grandiose pomp that makes you sound like a bloody victim when all you want is an ego boost.

      1. Holy shit! You have now written more in the comments than I have in the article. Keep this up and I have to start paying you. But all jokes aside, thank you! You truly are an alpha female!

        1. What can I say? I'm a writer and see many a comment that could benefit from a woman's perspective. No problem.

  18. This article is very good, it's perfect for any guy who is wondering what an Alpha male is, and how should he be; personally I am already at that stage now in my relationship with my woman, because in the past my relationships weren't lasting because I couldn't find my own identity and my stands in it. Nor was I sure of my self or afraid of losing the woman. Now I'm not afraid of losing a woman anymore.

  19. I found this article very interesting. I've been in a relationship with an alpha male off and on for five years. I'm an alpha female also. Our relationship would end abruptly, once for about a year. But we always found our way back to each other. He possesses most of the characteristics in a man that I really love. Only this year did our relationship take a turn of trust that it never had before. A "ride or die" kind of trust. I finally figured out what he wanted and I gave it to him......"ME". Although we had spent a lot of time together I finally started to see what he complained about. I would disagree with him over things that really did not matter. I would walk out on him when he ticked me off. Well.... I stopped doing though things realizing they never got me what I wanted. He would not budge. Now, he is sweet and gentle with me. I acquiesce without feeling like I've lost and in turn he gives me what I need. I never knew it was so simple. Jay Bird

    1. I forgot to mention one weird coincidence about me and my alpha male, we were both born in the same month, same date.

  20. This is a very interesting article. Yesterday my man and I had an argument and he said he was an Alpha male but after I read this, I just realised that he is a Beta. Lol! I still love him though. Very enlightening. Thanks a lot. Now I know how to handle him.

  21. Why on earn would an alpha male need or want to get into a monogamous relationship? What does he gain out of it???

    1. Why not? It's really about personal preference. Some want to settle down when they find the "right" person while others love the single life. Why would you assume that sleeping with many different women is a priority in the life of an alpha male?

  22. Am hurting mentally BC an Alfa male(insecure spineless ASSHOLE with NOTHING to offer) couldn't explain to me what he knew nothing about . I knew nothing about until to late. I Google why is my NEW boyfriend showing traits of the devil? And what la.... Pretender. Fake ... More of the devil that imprisoned me mentally abused me and yes feed off me to feed his hidden insecurities. Anybody can do this to a person strong week good or bad

    1. How the hell is the person you described an alpha male? Did you even read the article? But here is some advice for you (if you haven't done it already): RUN! Run and never look back! Don't talk to him, don't contact him. If he tries to contact you and apologize, ignore it. And for gods sake, read this article and find a man like this, and not a wannabe pretender.

  23. But shouldn't the Alfa tell the girl about his behavior if she even interrupt s him she gets a cold blooded mean stranger and he WILL make the girl hurt mentally. He knowing the girl has no idea of Alfa bs unyoll it's to late and the girl is jury and totn apart sooo Alfa can feed of her for his on insecurities. The girl eventually figure s it out and research s and no NOT alga after all...... Excuse of a man that all girls are aware of ASSHOLE

    1. Really hard to understand what you are saying. But an alpha never "feeds off her" for his own insecurities. Someone who does that, is NOT an alpha!

      1. Hi John can an alpha male like another man to take care of his sexual needs outside the relationship with a woman?

  24. I have been involved with an alpha male for almost 3 years now. The problem is that he came out of a nasty divorce when I first met him. We have been on and off for the better of the two 2yrs but I recently moved in the beginning of the year. He has been having a very hard time letting go of his ex-wife, I am wondering if he is not over her because he is distant, fights with the ex a lot over text and we are very rarely intimate. I know she has moved on and has a new man, but since he is not very affectionate with me, I am guessing she still torments him. I don't know weather to be patient or just move on. We are great together and have many things in common and ideally personality wise am what he would look for. He once told me that when an alpha really falls in love it's for life. I guess he is trying to tell me something or is this actually true?

  25. Hi, I am currently involved with an Alpha Male, to the max! Problem? I am an Alpha female, I just don't know how to handle him. I am crazy about him, but not sure he likes me, but we have been in a relationship for 3 yrs so I guess there must be something. He just doesn;t let me know. How do I get him to tell me how he really feels? Thanks

    1. If you have been together with him for 3 years, he obviously likes you. Otherwise he would have left a long time ago.

      1. Sandra L Washington

        Jul 25, 2016 at 7:03pm

        As I read this I became so hopeful about my relationship, my problems has been I just didn't realized that I had a Alpha Mate until I read the article about an Alpha Mate. We're both are the same age coming out of bad marriages, because I was married to an unfaithful horrible person it left me with a lot of distrust but he has still hung in there. I'm very happy that I read this today because it fits him to a tea, plus it helps me to understand his character traits that I totally misunderstood this is just Awesome so glad that I read it and its right on time because he wants to marry me and I definitely don't want to lose him! We've been dating for 3 1/2 years so I know he love me!

        1. Good to hear that even women can take something from this. I wish you both all the best!

  26. This is excellent! Looks like I've got much to learn! But possibly half way there! Oh yeah! :)

Add Your Comment