If you have ever been in a relationship with a woman whom you consider as “the one,” you definitely know how it feels. It’s a feeling like no other. Almost nothing seems as important to you as being with her. And if you could, you would spend every free moment together with her. You would even miss hanging out with your friends just to be with her.
Hey, they are your friends, they would understand if you choose her over them most of the time. And who doesn’t, isn’t a true friend anyway!
This way you are heading for a disaster…
Why Always Choosing Her is a Bad Idea
Should you ever start choosing your girlfriend over your friends every time, you will severely damage your friendships with others and eventually ruin the relationship you have with your girlfriend. This kind of behavior is the exact opposite of a healthy relationship. But let me explain.
Whenever you sacrifice activities you had planned with your buddies because of your girlfriend, your relationship with them suffers. Do that enough times and they will decide to stop hanging out with you. Even your best friendships will eventually fall apart if you continue on this path. Sure, most of your friends will understand when you don’t always have time for them. However, if you start to shut them out of your life completely, you will lose them fast, even the best ones.
You wouldn’t believe how many guys I have seen in this exact situation. Imagine you are the guy in this position, someone who spends all of his time with his girlfriend, and with passing time, she slowly but surely becomes the only friend you got. Your buddies stop calling you because “Why bother? You would say no anyway.” This is the worst case scenario a man in a relationship can be in. He basically sacrifices everything he has for her (and she doesn’t even want it).
Because all of your interactions happen with only this one “friend,” you will become dependent on her company. You will always need to have her around to feel good, and when she isn’t, frustration and desperation sets in. With this kind of behavior, you will also start to suffocate her by continually demanding for attention and affection.
Whenever she is out with her friends (because she didn’t give them up like you did) you will become jealous. You will start to see every new male acquaintance she makes as a threat and might even start to resent her female friends because she suddenly wants to hang out with them more than she used to. Like you can imagine, this is where everything starts to go downhill.
Sure, the one thing you could always do is to get to know her friends. But whatever you do, these people can’t replace your old friends. They would be your acquaintances and not someone you could just call up to hang out with. And what’s even more worrying, should you ever break up with your girlfriend, these new “friends” would disappear along with her because they would always choose her over you. And when the day finally comes and you two break up (and it will come), you will have no friends at all.
Now you are in a terrible spot – you are all alone. Whenever you try to patch things up with your old buddies, you will notice that they don’t have that much time for you anymore. If you put yourself in their shoes, it will become apparent why. You were the guy who was always “busy” and didn’t have time for them, and now when you are all alone and desperate, you suddenly expect them to drop everything and find time for you again. But guess what? They moved on with their lives. They have learned to live their lives without you in it, and all you can do is to accept it and start looking for new friends.
So what exactly am I trying to say here? That you should always choose your friends over the girl? Of course not! If you spend time only with your friends and rarely with your girlfriend, you will definitely lose her. A woman needs your attention, and when she doesn’t get it from you, she will get it from someone else.
Finding a Solution
The solution here is to find a healthy balance between the two, so your relationships (with your friends and with your girl) won’t suffer. Don’t spend all of your time with your friends, but also don’t give her all of your attention either. Find the time to go out with your buddies and the time to do something with your girl, so everybody is happy. Remember, balance is the key to all long and healthy relationships.
Also, you have to understand that your girlfriend doesn’t actually want you to sacrifice everything for her. Even if she asks for your attention, it doesn’t mean you should drop everything and give it to her. Sometimes she just wants to know that you are a man with strong convictions and can stick to your decisions. She might even get upset in the moment, but in the long run, she will respect you for standing your ground.
The real key to a happy and lasting relationship is to keep your partner happy, that’s why you have to grow alongside your relationship. If you are unsure how to do that, then here is something that will set you on the right track.