A blue-eyed girl looks over her shoulder at the camera.

Whenever you hear the saying “she is out of my league” you always imagine it coming from a guy who wants to get together with a girl he never has a chance with.

I have always hated this saying.

When I was younger it was because I thought no hot girl would ever go for someone like me. I always imagined girls going only for the tall, handsome, cool guys.

Now, however, I hate it for a different reason: it is bullshit!

I do have to make a distinction though: there will always be guys to whom beautiful women really are unattainable.

However, the reason for this isn’t because they’re not rich or handsome enough, it’s because they have given up on themselves.

Every guy who doesn’t give up on himself will always have a shot with most beautiful women.

Just because you think the “perfect” girl wouldn’t go for someone like you, does not make it a fact.

Is She Really Out of Your League?

If you believe an attractive girl is out of your league, she definitely will be!

It’s because you automatically move her there and disqualify yourself in the process. By this, you are assuming she is somehow more special than you and you’re not good enough for her.

Basically, this all boils down to how you decide to see a woman, and your opinion of yourself.

Here is your problem in a nutshell:

1) you are giving a woman you don’t even know too much value

2) you aren’t seeing yourself as someone who has value.

Let me elaborate on these two points:

1) Whenever you put a woman above yourself and see her as out of your league, you’ll be creating a lot of limiting beliefs for yourself.

You will accept these beliefs as facts and never try to challenge them.

You will come up with reasons why the girl you want never takes a liking to you.

When presented with examples that conflict with your views, you will simply dismiss them or come up with convenient excuses ( the ugly guy with hot girl = rich).

Because of this, you will never try to meet beautiful women – they seem just too far out of your reach.

As you can see, when you accept the idea that some girls are out of your league, you will start fighting an uphill battle. That’s why you have to change the way you view attractive women.

You need to let go of your old ways where every beautiful girl is special and has more value than you.

The key here is to understand that it is actually you who gives a pretty girl this status and makes her special.

When you reject the idea of a so-called “league” you will remove her high status (something she never had) and give yourself permission to be her equal.

Furthermore, if you can look at every girl you meet as equals, you won’t have any problems going after the hot ones.

Of course, you will always like one girl more than the other, but you’ll know that this doesn’t make her special.

2) Now, when looking at the other side of the problem, then your next mistake is probably giving yourself too little value in your interactions with women.

Usually, this leads to the rationalization where a hot girl is better than most men and therefore would never go for someone below exceptional.

Guys have various reasons for thinking like this, but oftentimes it comes down to not being good enough for her (not handsome, tall or rich enough).

This inferiority complex is very common among men. It’s what holds them back whenever they want to go after the girls they like.

Even when these thoughts never enter your mind, subconsciously you are still feeling that an attractive woman is somehow unreachable. Therefore, you will still have a hard time approaching and talking to her.

There are basically two solutions to your problem:

Improve yourself. If you are used to putting yourself down in your interactions with women, you have to admit that it’s a problem you need to face.

This means that it won’t get fixed unless you take the responsibility and do something about it.

Fail to do that and you will always see desirable girls as being out of your league!

Like I mentioned earlier, only a guy who has given up on women doesn’t stand a chance with them. That’s why you can’t become him!

Your best bet here is to get to know yourself, identify your strengths and weaknesses and improve on them. Don’t blame your surrounding circumstances when you can actually do something about them.

If you really want to become a desirable man, always strive for bettering yourself.

Now, self-improvement isn’t actually a necessary step to get your dream girl. However, it will help you to convince yourself of your own worth.

When you can actually see your transformation with your own eyes and know that you have achieved something you weren’t capable before, you will start believing in yourself.

Hey, it is really hard to convince yourself how smart and awesome you are, if you got nothing to show for it!

Trust in yourself. This one actually correlates with the previous point. Not only do you have to discover who you are, but also learn to trust in yourself.

You have to know that you are already capable of more than you previously imagined, and if you tried, would have a chance with every woman you wanted.

If you always doubt yourself, you will never get to where you want to be, or with whom you want to be.

The problem why it’s so hard to truly trust in yourself is that you have accepted the mainstream narrative that tells you aren’t good enough unless you are rich, successful and attractive.

If you get constantly bombarded with the message that you aren’t good enough, eventually you’ll start to believe it!

It will influence and limit your view of yourself and always hold back your true potential. That’s why you have to reject this way of thinking and adopt a new one: you are already good enough, no matter who you are.

When you start trusting in yourself, you will see yourself differently. You will start thinking and behaving in ways that align with your new perspective.

People around you will notice the new you and start treating you differently. And even women that you previously thought are out of your league will start noticing that.

So, let go of your doubts and negativity and replace them with a positive mindset.

To Conclude

In the end, if you really want a girl that’s out of your league, all I can tell you is this: just go after her!

Forget all the bullshit that hot girls are somehow more special than others (and you).

Do not let some limiting beliefs hold you back!

Improve yourself and you will start seeing the possibilities.

Forget about the league, there is only you and the girl!


  1. Is it true that women often (usually?) initiate relationships by sending signals to guys they’re attracted to? Should I assume that since I have never gotten signals from any woman (they don’t even know I exist), I should never approach any woman? I don’t want to offend anyone so I keep to myself. Since other guys are incomparably more attractive than me, is there even a point in dreaming of approaching a woman?

    1. No, you shouldn't assume anything! And how do you know that you've never gotten any signals from girls? Maybe you're just terrible at picking them up? Women usually give subtle clues and guys are terrible at understanding them. Never wait for a woman to initiate anything. It's on you to always make the first step! This also means that sometimes you're going to bother people (yes, even offend them) and get rejected. But if you really want to have some success with women, you need to take this risk. Read the response I left for Marshall - being unattractive is not an excuse.

  2. As a fundamentally unattractive man, it's better for me not to approach women at all. I honestly believe that no woman could ever be attracted to me. I’ve been told (and read in many places online) that if I go to a gym, dress better, get a good haircut, etc., I’ll feel better about myself and that will help with my confidence around women. It doesn’t. At all. I go to the gym 3 times a week, swim 3 times a week, have a great wardrobe, have a cool haircut – but I still feel completely unattractive and so never approach women. I also have a great, very well-paying job in my chosen profession, own three properties (I live in one and rent the other two), and have zero debt. I have several hobbies that keep me busy outside of work – so my life is somewhat balanced. But no matter what I do, what hobbies I try, what professional / personal goals I meet or exceed, nothing makes me feel good about myself and all I see when I look in the mirror is myself – a loser.

    1. So, let me get this straight, you work out, take care of your appearance, and are financially stable. You do more and have achieved more than the average guy. But you consider yourself a loser based on your appearance (something you can't even change)? Buddy, I don't think you know what this word means. Can I assume that you actually never tried approaching women before? The thing is, you're partly right - if you would start approaching women, you would probably get rejected more times than the average dude. But does this mean you should give up completely? Hell no! If you actually worked on your confidence and started to love and accept yourself no matter what, you would actually stand a chance! Do yourself a favor and google a guy named Nick Vujicic. Then look up his wife! Spoiler alert: this dude has no limbs but still managed to get a gorgeous wife. So, if someone like Nick can get a girl despite his massive handicap, so can you! Would you rather be ugly or have no arms and legs? Also, let me share a "secret" with you some guys actually know, but never dare to admit to themselves: women aren't all about looks. For many women, things like confidence, personality, attitude, positivity, masculinity, status, etc. trump looks. But for these guys, not being good looking enough is just an excuse not to do something about their situation. My advice to you is to drop the loser attitude and start approaching women! Will you get rejected? Of course! Every guy does. But once you get over your negative self-image, start to love yourself the way you are, and take pride in your accomplishments, you'll be surprised how many women will actually want to be with you. It's not your appearance that is holding you back, it's the way you decide to see yourself.

  3. I never get signs from any woman of any type whatsoever – they never acknowledge my existence at all. Every other guy (and I mean every other guy) is incomparably more attractive than me no matter what I look like, do or say. I am the most unattractive man possible, and nothing I could ever do could change this. This is not to do with confidence, it’s simple fact – as such I never talk to women – why bother? The only thing I *know* is that there is no way I’ll ever get any woman to even talk to me. Other guys get girlfriends, dates, etc., because they are attractive to somebody out there. I am of zero interest to any woman and this is a fact that can’t be changed. It’s hard to accept that nobody will ever want me, but no matter what I do, I’ll never be able to compete successfully for a woman’s interest against any other guy because every other guy is more attractive than me.

    1. It has everything to do with confidence! Sure, looks do play a role, but confidence + the right attitude will always trump appearance.

    2. Replying to John I don't see how it's remotely possible to become confident without experience - which is something I will never get. In human mating, etc., women choose mates from among men - so men have to compete for women's attention. No woman would ever choose me no matter what because other guys are more attractive than me. As such, there is no point in trying because I'd be categorically rejected every time.

      1. You're right, it's almost impossible to become confident without experience. However, here are some question for you: how many interactions have you had with women? How many women have you approached before coming to your conclusion? And how can you be so certain that women would reject you because of your looks and not your attitude (or any other quality for that matter)? Sorry for being so blunt with you, but right now, all I see is a guy with a defeatist attitude. Someone who has made up his mind about something before even making sure that the things he believed are actually true. Yes, women choose men, but not only based on looks. If a man lacks the attitude, confidence and other traits women find attractive, his looks won't save him! Want to know how I know all of this? Because I got the experience to back it up! I'm actually good looking (countless women have told me so). Wanna guess how much this has helped me in the past? So little that it's almost not even worth mentioning! Because I was very insecure, no woman was interested in dating me. In the span of 10 years, I maybe met about 4 girls who chose me just because of my looks. And even then, half of them lost interest the moment they discovering what a wuss I was. Only after getting my shit together and starting to approach thousands of girls, did my situation improve. So, do yourself a favor and don't write women off just because you think they wouldn't be interested in you. You don’t actually know this and are using your appearance as an excuse not to do something. Furthermore, you’re creating a self-fulfilling prophecy: because you think no woman would be interested in you, you drive them away with your behavior.

    3. Replying to John: I interact with women on a daily basis in professional circumstances, and have a few woman friends - none of whom have any interest in being anything other than a friend to me (they're married / partnered, etc.) - so to respond to your question, I do interact with women often. I've observed how guys talk to / act around / interact with women they want to get with - but I don't have whatever it is that it takes to make a woman want me in that way. Other guys can be attractive to women - I can't, and that's why I say that other guys are more attractive than me and therefore I have no chance of being chosen when the reality is that women choose and men have to vye to be chosen.

    4. Replying to John Btw, I never said anything about my looks having anything to do with my situation. I know that when women choose men, looks only play a small part in their choice. It's whatever else a guy has to have / be / do to be attractive to women that I do not have. This is why I stand zero chance of being chosen by any woman.

      1. My bad, when guys talk about attractiveness, they usually mean looks (especially when they proclaim that it's something unchangeable). But you are simply wrong. You can make yourself attractive to women. Whatever you think you lack, you can actually do something about it. And no! Women from work/your friends don't count. You shouldn't even try to hit on them! You have to approach and talk to strangers. Go to a club or bar (or wherever) and strike up a conversation with a girl you don't know. And then repeat this process again and again and again! I was just like you, thinking that women don't want me and there was nothing I could do about it. But I was wrong! I did change and actually became quite successful with women. And you can do it too, but only if you drop your defeatist attitude.

    5. Replying to John I'd never say anything to any co-workers or friends and never go to clubs or bars - who wants to be alone in those places when everyone else is having fun? I'd never approach strangers either because the last thing any woman wants is to be spoken to a totally unattractive guy like me - I'd likely be accused of harassment or something. I'm totally invisible to women from that perspective - no woman has ever shown the slightest sign of interest in me, and if I smile at a woman, as I occasionally do, she invariably gives me a look which can only be interpreted as 'go away'.

      1. You are way overthinking this. As someone who has some experience, I'm telling you: your worries are unwarranted. You can never know what a woman is thinking when she's looking at you. You also never know how she's going to react to you until you actually go and approach her. But most women are going to be nice to you. Even if they’re rejecting you, they still try to do it nicely. Anyway, I'm starting to get the impression that you're so certain in your assumptions that there's nothing I could say to change your mind. So, unless you're ready to listen, I'm done. P.S. You're probably not even as unattractive as you claim. If you actually tried, you would have a shot with many girls. Also, you're not supposed to wait for a woman to give you a sign/permission to approach her, you just do it (you make yourself visible)!

    6. Replying to John: You advise that "If you actually tried, you would have a shot with many girls" - but how do you know that? I have never seen any evidence whatsoever that even one woman has the slightest interest in me, so I've never bothered to try. I honestly don't see the point of doing anything if there is zero evidence that success (non-rejection) could be possible.

      1. You're arguing with someone how HAS this evidence! Someone who has bothered with trying and actually seen results.

    7. Replying to John. Not sure I see what you mean - and seriously, I'm not arguing. You have evidence for you that women are attracted to you - fantastic! - I'm happy for you - it must feel great. The fact is though, I have zero evidence that any woman is or has ever been attracted to me. Trying in the face of zero evidence doesn't make sense to me. Surely there would be some modicum of evidence that one woman has been interested in me at some point in my life by now if it were actually possible (?)

  4. For those of us who are extreme introverts and who aren’t used to approaching women and hooking up all the time, it takes literally every ounce of courage we have to approach women at all, even just to say hi. From the time we’re teenagers, we see overzealous girls who will call it sexual harassment and try to ruin a guy’s reputation if he so much as says hello. No, that’s not an exaggeration. I remember being 18, standing around for a bus, asking a woman who was probably 23 for the time because my phone was dead. She went off on a rant, apparently perceiving this as a pickup line, and judging me of course unworthy, even though I just wanted to figure out when the next bus was. And every time I said “sorry to bother you” she’d go off again. “what kind of man says I’m sorry!!” It’s women like that we remember, when we think about saying hello, and it just shuts us down completely. There are many more stories I can recall right now of that sort. The fact is, I’m now 31 have never so much as held hands or kissed a woman – and of course I’ve never been asked out by a woman either. So my question is – why would I, or any other guy – take a 50/50 risk of being screamed at and called a creep in public, and / or accused of sexual harassment with all the ensuing destruction to all areas of my life?

    1. John

      AUTHOR May 6, 2018 at 9:00pm

      I’m an introvert myself, so I know how it feels. But with this being said, you can’t really use it as an excuse why you can’t do something. Do I wish that I was born as someone who could easily talk to people? Maybe. But since I wasn't, I had to deal with it and do something about it. Giving up, however, wasn't an option! You had an encounter with a crazy person. If you ever run into a crazy person, you back off! You don't try to reason or argue with them. But here's the thing: not all women act this way. In fact, only a very small minority of girls will flip out like this when you ask them something so trivial. How do I know this? Because I've approached many, many girls and never gotten this kind of reaction. So don't tell me that you got a 50-50 chance to find someone normal! And if your chances really are at 50%, then I got some bad news for you: there’s something seriously wrong with your approach (you should figure out what it is) and it’s not women you should blame! Also, if we're talking about the anxiety that comes with approaching: I’ve been slapped, punched and kicked by women. I’ve been called all sorts of “interesting” names. I’ve been humiliated more times than I can count. But you know what? Who cares! When I approach women, I don't think about these situations because every girl is different. If you can shrug off the bad things, you'll be unstoppable. So to answer your question: because most women aren’t like you described. But maybe even more importantly, because if you don’t do it, you’ll end up alone!

  5. Paul, your wrong. People more than likely do like you. There is something you are not doing, or doing wrong. Man up, think about the situation, find the issue, fix it. Hell every lady friend you have is a resource to tell you the problem

  6. For me, it's got nothing to do with leagues. I never ask women out because rejection is always guaranteed no matter what I do. If there was the slightest chance that any woman wouldn't literally run in horror if I asked her out, I'd ask - I really would - but I'm not going to delude myself into thinking that's even a possibility. I haven't given up on myself - I just know that it'll never happen for me. I have many woman friends - but none of them have any interest in me as a potential boyfriend (sexual partner), so I never talk about it and if they bring up the topic, I just change the subject.

    1. You put off a certain vibe with words when you say them Paul. That vibe correlates with however you’re feeling internally. This could explain why women run from you in horror, is because your demeanor is telling them to be horrified, maybe you’re scared of them. Some people feel like it matters what they say to a woman and they want pickup lines and things, in all reality it’s as simple as being comfortable in your skin and letting that feeling project onto a woman through conversation so that she’s not only comfortable with you but more comfortable with herself (or if you just want to get laid quick make her uncomfortable with herself at the same time).

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