Every man who cares even slightly about the relationship with his girlfriend will put some effort into keeping it harmonious. And he does that by trying to keep her happy. However, for some, this doesn’t quite work out the way they’re hoping for.
Oftentimes the guys who try the hardest to keep their girlfriend happy end up doing the exact opposite – they make her miserable. But why is that? Are they doing something wrong?
To give you a short answer: yes, they are! In fact, because they try to keep her happy it becomes the exact reason why she is unhappy! Of course, this kind of bold statement requires a more in-depth explanation.
So, let me tell you why some guys never seem to make their girlfriend happy, even though they try the hardest, and then let’s look at how you can avoid their fate…
What You’re Doing Wrong
Sometimes your girlfriend’s unhappiness can come directly from the things you do, or don’t do – like leaving the toilet seat up or refusing to ask for directions when you’re clearly lost. Sometimes it’s just because she feels neglected by and wants to spend more time together. But apart from the last thing, these are just minor problems, problems you can fix yourself.
However, if you’re doing everything “right” and she still seems miserable, the problem goes way deeper than just doing things for her. In fact, it might be because you’re doing things for her that make her unhappy! To explain this statement a bit better, let us take your average relationship as an example where a man who cares about his girlfriend still does things that upset her:
Because the majority of people keep their independence when starting a relationship (don’t become dependent on their partner), they will have different opinions on different matters. This means that from time to time, they will get into arguments with their partner. Occasionally the man in the relationship could even lose his temper and react negatively towards his girlfriend because she said or did something that went against his views. But despite all of this, she is still happy with him! So why is that?
While you might think that this kind of behavior is always bad (and it definitely can be if taken to the extreme) it also demonstrates to a woman that her man has the strength to stand up for himself. Sure, you shouldn’t flip out when your girlfriend does something you don’t like, but you also shouldn’t just be too accepting with everything she does or says.
You see, when a guy who tries to keep his girlfriend happy no matter the cost, he will have to make some sacrifices. He will have to give in in arguments and forgo things he wants – all to keep her content. But the problem with this kind of approach is that it won’t work!
While you’re desperately trying to keep her happy, it backfires on you because she loses respect for you. Women want to be with a man who actually has the mental fortitude to say “no” every now and then. So when a guy tries to please her just to keep her happy at all times, he demonstrates exactly the opposite! While losing your temper isn’t cool, it at least shows her that you respect yourself enough to make yourself heard when something isn’t to your liking.
But what’s the solution? To pick fights with her and refuse to do things for her? Not really…
How to Actually Keep Her Happy
For a relationship to work, both partners need to be willing to make sacrifices. This means that sometimes you can let her have her way but this also means that it shouldn’t be you who is always making the sacrificing! If you fall into this kind of pattern, then she’s not going to stay happy in the long run.
The secret to keeping your girlfriend happy is not to look at the short-term effects but at the bigger picture. This means that sometimes you need to be ready to upset her in the moment just so she can actually stay happy in the long-term. However, if you too terrified of angering her, then this is exactly the problem!
A woman who decides to get into a relationship with you needs to look up to you, or at least see you as an equal. If she doesn’t, she is going to lose attraction for you and eventually dump you. No woman wants to be in a relationship with a guy whom she considers beneath her. So, if you start acting like she’s someone who you have to keep happy at all times, no matter the costs, you demonstrate to her that you are, in fact, beneath her!
So what can you do?
Stop trying to please her and start standing up for yourself! If she’s unhappy about something, it’s not your job to always try to fix it! If she’s angry at you and expects you to do something that goes against your values, don’t do it no matter what! It’s not like she’s going to start hating you for making her give in some of the times. On occasion, she actually secretly hopes that you take charge in a situation and don’t let her run things (she’s testing you).
Yes, by doing so you will have way more arguments with her and you’re going to upset her… but at least she doesn’t lose respect for you! Furthermore, if she actually sees that you can stand up for yourself and don’t feel the need to please her, she will stop fighting you and actually be more happy with you.
What it eventually boils down to is that you don’t do things for her just to keep her happy but actually present yourself as a man who respects and values himself. While she’s going to play an important part of your life, it doesn’t mean that your world should revolve around her!
She also needs to see that you’ve got a spine and don’t just bend backward whenever she asks you to do something unreasonable – when she’s testing you. Sometimes she’s just waiting for you to stand up for yourself and say no, just to see your strong, masculine side. But if every time she gets what she wants, she starts to realize that she made a mistake by getting into a relationship with you.
Of course, it should be noted that just fixing this aspect in your relationship doesn’t immediately fix everything that’s wrong with it. You should also be able to do other things like taking care of problems, staying strong in hard times and being someone she can rely on. But if you’re guilty of this “trying to please” behavior, then fixing it’s definitely a step in the right direction!
If you want to learn what traits to demonstrate to keep her happy, take a look at the article alpha male in relationships, or you can also get my newly launched e-book course Rules of the Alpha Male. Aside from the main book that will help you to stay a badass alpha in your relationship, it also has one book specifically dedicated to keeping your relationship healthy!