Becoming an alpha male has become a real goal for many men these days. Some even see it as the ultimate status of what a man should be and chase it desperately. For this, they often compare the behavior of a beta male to an alpha. While this is a useful method for telling the difference between these two, it really won't get them any closer to understanding who an alpha male actually is. So, instead of going down the same road of comparing these two, let's take a look at what truly defines an alpha.
Like already mentioned, being an alpha male is so important for some, that they completely overlook what actually matters – becoming a better version of yourself. Not only is this a problem, but the same guys still have no clue what makes someone alpha. Instead of working on what's truly important, they focus on copying the characteristics and behaviorism of an alpha, hoping that this gets them closer to becoming one. But that's not how it works.
What Makes a Man Alpha?
Since alpha males have certain characteristics, it might be best if we shortly go over some of them (again) and see how they fit into the definition of one. Then, let's take a closer look at why they're not the solution you are looking for.
So, here are some of the characteristics:
- Confidence: The trademark characteristic of an alpha male. He is confident in every situation, wherever he is. This is why people have a hard time resisting him and why women find him so sexy.
- Dominance: An alpha is a very powerful person. He is the one usually giving the orders instead of taking them. That's also why many influential men are seen as alpha males.
- Assertiveness: He knows exactly how to talk to people so they'll listen. He goes after the things he wants and doesn't let rejection stop him. This is also why he is so successful with women – even when he gets rejected by one, he will not be affected by it and move on.
- Leadership: He is a leader. People look to him for guidance and help. In a shipwreck, he would be the one in charge. Then again, he isn't a person who commands everyone around without getting his feet wet, he leads by example.
- Decisiveness: Always certain in himself and his capabilities is one thing that sets him apart from others. He doesn't doubt his own abilities. When he sets a goal for himself, he sure as hell will follow through.
- High status: An alpha male is a high-status male. Whenever he enters a room, people immediately notice him. Most even look up to him. He looks like a man with a million dollars, even if he is broke.
- Composure: He never loses his temper or lashes out on others. He stays calm even in high-stress situations. He also isn't affected or intimidated by the presence of other influential and powerful people around him (like so many men are).
- Humble: Some so-called "wannabe alphas" need to brag or demonstrate their dominance over others to feel validated. As a true man, he just avoids that. He stays humble and feels no need to brag about the things he has done.
Like mentioned before, although all these are characteristics of an alpha male, they still do not define him. Many men can have to some degree all of these qualities, but can't be considered alpha males. So if you still think that having all these traits will be enough to become an alpha male, you're wrong. They are merely the byproducts of being one.
You can not become an alpha male by mimicking one. Too many guys try to adopt every little aspect of an alpha male by imitating his behavior, his body language, his clothing style, how he interacts with women or other men, even his facial expressions. While all these are good for recognizing one, they do not give a complete picture of who he is.
To become an alpha male, one crucial change has to happen before you can even start to understand what being an alpha means. And this is a shift in your mindset – how you decide to see yourself and the world around you.
But let us take a closer look at it in the next part.
The Mindset of the Alpha Male
To get a glimpse into who exactly an alpha male is, we have to look at his mindset. The thing that makes him different from anyone else is his freedom. This means that he doesn't restrain himself from being who he wants to be and doing whatever he wants to do. While you might think that you are as free as he is, consider the following first:
- If you are free, would you concern yourself with the opinions of others? Or do you still feel that you have something to prove?
- If you considered yourself to be free, would you hesitate going after whatever you wanted? Or is there something that is holding you back?
- If you truly are free, would you feel anxious approaching girls you find attractive? Or do you sometimes worry about what to say to one, or how she might respond to you?
If you answered honestly to these questions and a "YES" came up, you are not really free. Maybe you have deluded yourself into thinking that you are free to act as you like, but subconsciously you're still constrained by your belief system and the fear of repercussions.
Of course, most people are controlled by what others think of them. It's how society works. Most people step cautiously through life because they don't want to face the consequences: the ridicule and rejection of other. And to some extent this is normal. But if taken too far, this mindset will start to restrict our freedom. We begin to chase the approval of others and define ourselves as a part of a group, instead of taking a risk and going our own way. All because it is much easier and safer.
This is also where an alpha male is very different. He feels no need to fit in and play by the rules of others. He doesn't do what people expect of him. He does his own thing even when he encounters resistance in the form of rejection or ridicule. Of course, he isn't some antisocial hermit who disregards every opinion of himself and lives in his little bubble. But the fact remains that he truly does not care what others think of him. To him, such things are irrelevant because he doesn't identify with them. And this is precisely what at the end of the day makes him free.
How to Really Be an Alpha Male
Now, there is one interesting thing that you should know about becoming an alpha male: if you just decided to be free, you could become one instantly. All you would have to do is to start thinking like one, and most of your problems would solve themselves. But since you have been told by society your whole life what you can and can not do, you will hold yourself back. You are like an elephant on a rope, not even trying to break free from your restraints because you have learned from early on that it's futile.
That's why you first need to figure out what is holding you back and do everything in your power to eliminate it:
1) If it's the approval of others you seek, then learn to live without it. No matter what you do, you can't please everybody. Apart from a very few close people, you shouldn't care what others think of you. If you go around trying to get the approval of others and convince them what a great guy you are, you will fight an uphill battle.
Even if you managed to convince everybody, all it would take is negative feedback from just from one person and you'd be back on square one trying to please them so that you could feel validated again. This way you will always depend on the approval of others to feel alpha. And as you can already guess, this is not very healthy for your self-esteem.
2) If your problem is not feeling worthy of whatever you want, then reconsider. You should know that you are most likely the one holding yourself back from getting what you want. To be an alpha male, you need to have a strong concept of who you are and what you deserve. Start to look at yourself as a high-value man and do not pay any attention to what others think of you.
If that is not enough, work on improving your self-image. Hit the gym and work your ass off. Read challenging books that give you a new perspective on life. Expand your worldview and vocabulary. Change your style, so the person looking back at you in the mirror isn't anymore the loser you pity, but someone you can be proud of. Do whatever it takes to get rid of this self-deprecating mindset.
3) Never compare yourself to others. If you go down this road, your mental state will always depend on it. There will always be someone who is better than you! So if you can not let go of that, you will be consumed by it and always feel worthless in the presence of him/her.
On the flip side, if you think that you are better than most people, you become the wannabe alpha everyone despises – someone who acts like an ass because he thinks he is better than the people around him. And if you still remember that one characteristic of a true alpha was humbleness, then you should know that this is not the way of an alpha male.
4) Never create an identity for yourself from the things you own. As Tyler Durden said in Fight Club: "You're not your job. You're not how much money you have in the bank. You're not the car you drive. You're not the contents of your wallet. You're not your fucking khakis."
Materialistic things should not make you feel better about yourself. You could lose them at any moment, along with your identity. Besides, there will always be people who will have more stuff than you do, and competing with them about material possessions is like pissing against the wind.
5) Stop being the victim! Many people will not succeed because they blame everything and everyone else around them. They are the victims of their circumstances. The reason why they haven't achieved something isn't because the world hates them, it's because they have never taken responsibility for their own actions or inactions. If you want to become an alpha male, you have to always be ready to face resistance. Instead of giving into it, you need to push through it. You need to accept that you are the one in charge of your reality and not let others shape it for you.
Also, keep in mind that as you take your first bold steps, you might face resistance from the most unexpected sources – your friends and family. They see the change in you and might not like that you are moving on while they are going nowhere. That's why you have to overcome this by staying strong and true to yourself.
In fact, you should not be giving up even when faced with almost impossible odds. Because only through this hardship, will you really shine.
If you want to be one, do not set yourself this goal of becoming an alpha (yes I know, this sounds weird coming from the guy who named his site Alpha Male Mentality). Instead of chasing a vague goal, try to become the best version of yourself. Maybe you will never be what's considered a true alpha male, but if you never stop improving yourself, you will get damn close to it.
Of course, I have to mention that knowing about and trying your best to have the characteristics of an alpha male is still important, but it shouldn't be the only thing you focus on. Instead of trying to tick off this checklist of characteristics, take a look inside and fix what you find there. Take care of your mindset, and eventually, you will achieve everything else instinctively.
Oh, one more thing: remember, you are not really an alpha male, if you feel the need to call yourself one!
If this is a topic you want to explore further and become a better man, then here's something that might interest you: I WROTE A BOOK! It's called Rules of the Alpha Male. Want to take a look at it? Then check out the First 7 Rules.