What is the Alpha Male Mentality?

An alpha male smiling

What makes the mentality of an alpha male different from others? Why is the alpha male mentality important when meeting women? And what exactly is the alpha male mentality?

To answer these questions, we have to take a closer look at the different characteristics of an alpha male and what defines his mentality. But before we go and do that, let's quickly clear up a misconception first.


The Confusion About the Alpha

Whenever there is talk about the mentality of an alpha male, some people think that he is a guy who asserts his dominance over others by being the loudest and most aggressive person in the group – someone who constantly needs to be in the center of attention to feel validated. A guy who is so desperate for attention that he would do anything to stand out, even if it means getting into fights with others.

However, the guy who we just described is in no way an alpha male. He is commonly referred to as a jerk. The reason some why people might confuse these two terms is because the jerk has some characteristics of an alpha male. He is confident and unpredictable (a huge turn-on for women) but lacks maturity and is usually too self-centered to be referred to as an alpha.

In comparison to the alpha male, he is just an immature boy who has to put other people down to feed his massive ego. So the next time you meet a jerk, don't rush to label him as an alpha male.

There are many guides that can teach you the ways of an alpha male, and recently, I launched my own! It took me over three years to perfect it, so if you want to learn how to become one, here's your chance! Just take a look at it here: Rules of the Alpha Male.


The Characteristics of an Alpha Male

But let's take a look now at the alpha male mentality. Here are the key characteristics that define an alpha:


When talking about dominance, the one thing you have to understand is that an alpha male isn't someone who will step on other people or try to control them to maintain his dominance. He will naturally assume a dominant role and other people tend to follow him. When someone doesn't see eye-to-eye with him, he won't try to convince them to change their mind. This dominant attitude is also one of the main reasons why so many women tend to feel attracted to him. He just seems like the guy who can take the lead and rally people behind him.

Not Needing Approval

What makes an alpha male different is that he has no need to seek approval from others to feel better about himself. He isn't seeking validation from people around him, but at the same time has no superiority complex (a jerk has). He isn't looking at others on how to live his life – he makes his own rules and doesn't care if someone disagrees with that. He will, however, consider and value others' opinions, but will never be guided by them.

Not Comparing to Others

Many guys have the need to compare themselves to other men. An alpha male has no need to do that. Not because he thinks he is better than others, but it doesn't even enter into his mind to compare and judge others based on their looks, beliefs, social status or ideas. Whenever an alpha male meets a new woman, he won't put her on a pedestal. To him, a gorgeous woman has no more value than an average looking one. He assumes all people are of equal status.

Exceptional People Skills

Guys who can interact effortlessly with other people are extremely good with women. They can just go up to a total stranger and charm them by using their conversation skills. An alpha can always keep a conversation interesting and never worries about running out of things to talk about or what to say next. To him, it comes naturally.

Hint: this skill is actually something everyone can (and should) develop. A program that does an excellent job teaching it to beginners is Say Hello.

Always Confident

An alpha male is completely confident in his own skin and feels at home wherever he is. His unshakable confidence that sets him apart from the average Joe comes from himself, and not from his surroundings, social status or the people around him. He has no problems approaching a woman and his confidence won't even be shaken should he get rejected. The irony here is, that the more confident he is, the less he will face rejection.

A Positive Attitude and a Good Sense of Humor

Humor plays a big role in attraction and an alpha male can make people around him laugh. The thing is however that he isn't trying to be the funniest guy around. He isn't relentlessly cracking jokes in the hopes of getting others to laugh. The reason why he attracts women is that he has a positive attitude in life and knows how to be self-amusing. An alpha male can make fun of a moment because he finds it amusing and others will react to it and be entertained as well.

No Problem Staying With the Tension

A man who keeps his cool even in the toughest situations can be considered an alpha male. When others have problems staying with the tension, he remains relaxed and clear minded. He can adapt to any situation and stay totally confident and focused. This is especially important when meeting women because women will test a man ruthlessly to see how he reacts. And since an alpha doesn't even break a sweat, he will be seen as attractive.


Whatever an alpha male does, he does it authentically. His actions and interactions reflect who he is. He has no need to use trickery or manipulation to make others think of him as someone who he isn't. Pretending to be someone else, doesn't even enter into his mind. If you ever meet an alpha male, you will immediately recognize him as one, because of the way he carries himself.

Certain in Himself

Certainty is crucial for a man who has to make important decisions. An alpha is very certain in himself and does not doubt his choices. No one, except himself, can change his mind about the things he believes to be true. However, this doesn't mean he is hard-headed and denies when he is in the wrong. Whenever he is in the wrong, he is very humble and has no problems admitting it to himself and other people.


The Truth About Becoming Alpha

As you can see, many things define an alpha male. When you are trying to become one, don't take these examples as rules. Look at them more like guidelines in becoming a more fulfilled man. If you try and force yourself to act this way, you will only slow down your progress.

You don't have to chase perfection to become an alpha male. An alpha male has no illusions about being perfect and neither thrives to become one. He just knows to play his strengths, minimize weaknesses and continually works on becoming a better man. And so should you!

If you would ask an alpha male if he considers him to be one, his answer would most likely be a resounding "NO!". If you truly are one, you wouldn't really feel the need to tell it to everybody. It is just a status that people throw around without really considering the deeper meaning behind it. In the end, every single guy could become an alpha male when he has the desire, determination, dedication, and discipline necessary to better himself.

UPDATE: I've now written a book about this topic. If you're interested, you can take a look at it here.

19 comments on “What is the Alpha Male Mentality?”

  1. Nice article a true inspiration and eye opener to a true gentleman.

    Charles Lwanga

  2. There are too many wannabe alpha males where I live. They steal other men's wives and girlfriends to the point these cuckolds shoot them, beat them up, or sue them for molesting their kids. I live in the Atlanta area and this is common. They can be Southern gentlemen but they're homewreckers. I'm married and I've had other guys like this to the point my alpha male husband gets into fights with them.

  3. thats a nice article.... whats your take on this topic in regards to introverts and extroverts.

    1. Thanks. As someone who has been an introvert my whole life, I can say that in the beginning, it's definitely a bit harder for an introvert to start doing these things. While an extrovert has the advantage in social settings, as time goes on and the introverted guy becomes more socially adept (gains more experience and confidence), the differences basically disappear.

      The worst thing an introvert can do is to use his introversion as an excuse why he can't do something.

  4. This was a totally awesome read...You are skilled blogger in your delivery in written form.

  5. The (Not so) Nice Guy and the Jerk are actually the same person, the Jerk is just the next stage, what happens when the Gentle Facade falls. The point is both of them have a big void in their inner being, and one tries to get it through manipulation and the other resorts to outright violence -- the jerk is basically projecting vibes of fear and insecurity from his being and dragging everyone around him into that. Excluding an actual mental disease or being a psycopath, both the Nice Guy and the Jerk become poor team players on opposite sides of the spectrum and neither earn respect, nor can they inspire any one. The problem is the use of the word "Nice" that causes people to think that the alternative must be the Asshole. The Nice Guy basically behaves like a case of a woman's beliefs and practices encoded in a male.

    The true Alpha is that kind of a leader who knows the power of trust -- he doesn't need to cheat on those who he takes responsibility for, if there are problems, he will face them head on and his abundance mentality means he never enslaves himself to a relationship and is ready to walk out of a lost case at any point -- whether it is his relationships or his profession. This also means the True Alpha is a man of very high character, not just a woman charmer.

    The Nice Guy puts up with a lot of shit as he is needy for the relationship until he reaches his breaking point and becomes the jerk, leading to things as extreme as shooting people (If anyone noticed, most of these serial shooters go on a rampage due to pent up rage and desperation that has been simmering for many years). The Nice Guy almost usually ends up cheating, and too many people have preferred to kill their spouses out of fear of a divorce and the financial and legal issues that may result. At the very least he is in an unhappy personal and professional relationship due to feelings of self inadequacy and those who come into contact with such a man feel his negative vibes. Nope, not "nice" at all, only (not so) Nice Guys think they are nice, the truth couldn't be more different.

    A true alpha is an inspiration.

  6. You realize, for every 1 true alpha male, there are 100 wannabe jerks? I would much rather take a confident beta-male, who is comfortable with his position, over a phoney wannabe.

    1. Yes, I call these kind of men are wannabe alphas - guys who try to imitate an alpha and fail, or totally miss the point of being one and act like jerks. These are usually guys who can't let go of their ego.
      And I agree with you, even a beta is a better choice for a woman than a wannabe.

  7. This is very interesting, You are a very skilled blogger.

    I have joined your feed and look forward to seeking more of your excellent post.
    Also, I've shared your site in my social networks!

What are you looking for?