An alpha male fighter in a defensive posture.

What makes the mentality of an alpha male different from others?

What role does it play in social interactions… or in attraction?

And what exactly is it anyway?

To answer these questions, we have to dive deep and take a closer look at the different facets of an alpha male. The characteristics, lifestyle, and his most defining factor – his mindset.

But before we do that, let’s quickly clear up a misconception first…

The Confusion About the Alpha

Whenever there’s talk about an alpha male, some people immediately jump to the conclusion that he is a guy who needs to asserts his dominance over others to feel better about himself.

That he does that by being the loudest and most aggressive person around.

That he is someone who constantly needs to be in the center of attention to feel validated.

A guy so desperate for attention and recognition, that he would do anything to stand out! Even if it means getting into fights with others.

However, the guy who we just looked at is in no way an alpha male!

Some might refer to him as a jerk – others, well… with more interesting names.

There’s actually a good reason why people might confuse such a person for an alpha – although they are worlds apart, he will display some characteristics of an alpha male.

Just like an alpha, he is confident and unpredictable (a huge turn-on for women). But he lacks maturity and is usually too self-centered.

In comparison to the alpha, he is just an immature boy who has to put others down to feel better about himself and feed his massive ego.

So, don’t rush to label someone like this as an alpha male simply because of some commonalities. Instead, try to focus on the differences – and the biggest of them is the way these two men think.

Now, before moving on, you should know that there are many guides that can teach you the ways of an alpha male.

And recently, I launched my own!

It took me over three years to perfect it, so if you want to learn how to become one, here’s your chance!

Just take a look at it here: Rules of the Alpha Male.

The Characteristics of an Alpha Male

Okay, now that we got that out of the way, what better way to start this article than to list some of the key characteristics that define an alpha.

And while there are many of them, here are probably some of the most defining ones.

So let’s start with:


We already mentioned this one in the beginning, but it’s not what you might think.

When talking about dominance, the one thing you have to understand is that an alpha male isn’t someone who will push people around or walk over them to get his way.

He will also never try to control others to maintain his status!

Because of who he is, he will naturally assume a dominant role in social interactions and most people will just go along with it. But if someone doesn’t see eye-to-eye with him, he feels no need to convince them otherwise.

His dominant attitude is also one of the main reasons why so many women feel attracted to him. He just seems like the guy who can get shit done and take the lead. This gives women a feeling of security – that no matter what happens, he will rise above it!

Many guys often misinterpret what it means to be dominant. They assume that dominance equals aggression.

However, you should NEVER try to intimidate others just to get your way.

If someone doesn’t react to you the way you want, you should recognize this and just let it go.

Not Needing Approval

What really sets an alpha apart from many people is his lack of need for approval.

He feels no need to seek the approval of others to feel better about himself.

And he isn’t doing that not because he has some kind of superiority complex, but because he knows that the only person who can define him is… himself!

In short: his self-worth comes from within, not from the opinions of others.

That’s why you’ll never see him trying to “fit in”.

He’ll never look for others on how to live his life. He makes his own rules, chooses his own path, and doesn’t care if someone disagrees!

But don’t assume that he simply disregards everything people have to say. He is always willing to listen to constructive criticism or feedback. But he’ll never be guided by it!

While not caring what others think of you can be a good thing, disregarding everything is a terrible idea!

We are social creatures and need feedback from others to assess certain situations. Especially, when we don’t know any better.

Sometimes feedback helps us grow – to become better men.

You just need to figure out if the feedback you’re getting is good-natured like “I’m trying to help you out here” and not malicious like “I’m trying to screw you over so I can feel better about myself”.

Not Comparing to Others

Many guys compare themselves to other men. An alpha, though, feels no need to do that!

It’s not because he thinks he is better than others…

It’s because it doesn’t even enter into his mind to compare and judge others based on things like their looks, beliefs, social status, and ideas.

He also feels no need to compare himself to women!

When most guys meet a girl they like, they’ll start to compare themselves to her. If she’s attractive (therefore, has high value) and they don’t have anything to compensate for their own shortcomings (money, status, or power) they won’t even bother with getting to know her.

Or, if they try, they always approach her as someone not worthy of her (never as equals).

But whenever an alpha male meets a woman, he won’t put her on a pedestal. To him, a gorgeous woman has no more value than an average-looking one.

He assumes all people are of equal status and treats them that way.

Exceptional People Skills

Guys who can interact effortlessly with other people are extremely good with women.

They can just go up to a total stranger and charm them by using their conversation skills. An alpha is no different.

He can keep a conversation interesting and never worry about running out of things to talk about. Or what to say next.


Because he isn’t worried that he might say something that’s embarrassing or not worth listening to. To him, conversations come naturally because he feels relaxed in every social setting.

Conversation skills is something everyone should develop!

And if yours suck, then it’s probably time you do something about it!

A program that does an excellent job teaching it to beginners is Say Hello.

Always Confident

I bet you’re not surprised finding this one here.

I probably don’t have to tell you why confidence matters, right?

It’s the pillar – the foundation – that holds everything else on this list together. It’s simply a requirement!

And as you would have guessed, an alpha male is completely confident. He feels at home wherever he is.

And here comes the important part you have to remember:

The unshakable confidence that sets an alpha apart from the average Joe comes from himself, and not from his surroundings, social status, or the people surrounding him.

This means that he can feel confident wherever he is, without relying on outside influencers. Money, nice clothes, expensive things… these are all nice things to have… but never a source of his confidence.

Take all that away and you still have a confident guy!

Because of this, he has no problems approaching a woman. His confidence won’t even be shaken should he get rejected.

The irony here is that, the more confident he is, the less he will have to deal with rejection.

A Positive Attitude and a Good Sense of Humor

A positive attitude can go a long way. People gravitate towards someone who can lift their spirits.

While it’s impossible to have a positive attitude at all times, a man who can keep himself from getting stuck for too long in a negative mindset tends to stand out.

This kind of attitude comes in handy often when dealing with women. They love someone who can support them and see the brighter side in a seemingly bad situation.

And you know what else helps besides a positive attitude? Humor!

Humor plays a big role in attraction and an alpha male can make people around him laugh.

However, he isn’t really trying to be the funniest guy around. He isn’t endlessly cracking jokes hoping to get a laugh out of someone.

Furthermore, whenever he is making jokes, he is not really hoping to get someone else to laugh. The only person he is trying to amuse is himself.

So why is that? If you can make others laugh, why not do it all the time?

Because he knows, that the guy who does that, will often end up as the butt of a joke. And while he is no stranger to self-deprecating humor, he uses it sparingly.

A guy who always jokes around is very hard to take seriously.

So, the reason why he is seen as attractive is because of his positive attitude and the ability to be self-amusing. An alpha male can make fun of a moment because he finds it amusing and others will react to it and be entertained as well.

No Problem Staying With the Tension

Someone who keeps his cool even in the toughest of situations can be considered an alpha male.

This is usually the soldier who stays calm under fire, the surgeon keeps his focus when something goes wrong, or the “average guy” who doesn’t even flinch when approaching a woman.

Where others struggle to stay with the tension, an alpha remains collected and clear-minded. This helps him to adapt to difficult situations and stays confident and focused.

This ability to leads back to him being extremely confident – that no matter what happens, he knows that he’s able to handle it.

Thanks to this, women see him as attractive. Even when they test the man, his reaction, or sometimes the lack of it, will immediately make him different from all the rest.


Whatever an alpha male does, he does it authentically. His actions and interactions reflect his true self.

He feels no need to use trickery or manipulation to make others think of him as someone more than he is. Pretending to be someone else, doesn’t even enter into his mind.

If you ever meet an alpha male, you will immediately recognize him as one because of the way he carries himself. And so do women – they love a guy who is real!

Certain in Himself

Certainty is crucial for a man who has to make important decisions.

An alpha is very certain in himself and does not doubt his choices. No one, except himself, can change his mind about the things he believes to be true.

However, this doesn’t mean he is hard-headed and denies when he is in the wrong!

Whenever this happens, he is very humble and has no problems admitting it to himself and other people.

The Truth About Becoming Alpha

Now that you went through this list, you know absolutely everything there is to know about an alpha.

You just have to replicate these things and you’re good to go!


Not even by a long shot!

There are many things that define an alpha, and I only listed a handful. There are way more things you should know about him, but there’s also something else…

When you are trying to become one, don’t take these examples as rules. There will always be exceptions!

There will be alphas who aren’t that good with people or don’t have the happy-go-lucky attitude.

That’s why it’s better to look at the above list more like guidelines and not try to force yourself to live up to certain rules!

You don’t have to chase perfection to become an alpha male!

An alpha male has no illusions about being perfect and neither thrives to become one. He just knows to play his strengths, minimize weaknesses, and continually works on becoming a better man.

And so should you!

Ask an alpha male if he considers him as one, his answer would most likely be a resounding “NO!”. If you truly are one, you wouldn’t really feel the need to prove/tell it to everybody.

It is just a status that people throw around without really considering the deeper meaning behind it.

In the end, every single guy could become an alpha male when he has the desire, determination, dedication, and discipline necessary to better himself.

Okay, got it. Now you’re on your way to become a better man.

But you also want to know how this all can help you in attraction, right?

So, here we go…

A New Way of Looking at Women

Let’s be honest here, the reason why you want to become an alpha, why you’re still reading this, has something to do with women.

And hey, no judgement on my part. I started out for the same reason. But there’s something you have to understand:

You have to start looking at women differently!

Many men desperately want to become alphas because of the way they see women.

They assume women are way above them and the only way to “level the playing field” – to be true equals – is to become alphas.

They give so much value to a girl, especially a beautiful one, that they forget their own. This will put them at a huge disadvantage.

To truly become an alpha, you have to give up this way of thinking! That women are somehow above you just because of their looks!

If you think that a woman’s value comes from her winning at the genetic lottery, you will always struggle to approach her, to interact with her, and to attract her!

And here’s something to drive the point home even further:

Not only shouldn’t you treat beautiful women differently, they don’t even want you to!

This is the reason why a hot girl will reject most men who approach her – guys treat her like royalty and kiss up to her. But she doesn’t want it!

Only a man who doesn’t see her as this “unique butterfly” will have a chance with her. The irony here is that she will consider him as the special one.

So if you took anything from the last few sentences, you should already know why an alpha male is so successful with hot women: he plays no favorites!

He doesn’t suck up to someone just because of their appearance. His opinion of a woman forms from many things, not only her beauty.

What does this all mean to you?

Well, for one, you should give up this assumption that hot girls are somehow more special.

But also that to attract one girl, all you would have to do is to treat her like any other.

By doing so, you would not have to “climb up” to her level and just see her as an equal.

This might sound like it’s easy but you most likely already know that in practice, it’s not that simple. This is why you have to give up a lot of your limiting beliefs you still have. And to do that, is a challenge by itself.

In Conclusion

Treat beautiful women like everybody else and take responsibility for your actions. In short, this is how you would start developing an alpha male mentality.

Of course, you would also need to learn much more (I told you it’s not going to be easy) but getting rid of these two sticking points will definitely help you to become better with women and take you a couple of steps closer to becoming an alpha.

Just one more thing.

If you try to develop the alpha male mindset only because you want to become successful with women, then don’t!

Instead of trying to become an alpha, become the best version of yourself and take a lot of pressure off your shoulders. Guys who desperately chase it, hardly ever reach it because they do it for all the wrong reasons.


  1. Charles Lwanga

    Jul 2, 2019 at 11:20am

    Nice article a true inspiration and eye opener to a true gentleman. Charles Lwanga

  2. There are too many wannabe alpha males where I live. They steal other men's wives and girlfriends to the point these cuckolds shoot them, beat them up, or sue them for molesting their kids. I live in the Atlanta area and this is common. They can be Southern gentlemen but they're homewreckers. I'm married and I've had other guys like this to the point my alpha male husband gets into fights with them.

  3. Grooviq deejay

    Jun 6, 2017 at 3:01am

    thats a nice article.... whats your take on this topic in regards to introverts and extroverts.

    1. Thanks. As someone who has been an introvert my whole life, I can say that in the beginning, it's definitely a bit harder for an introvert to start doing these things. While an extrovert has the advantage in social settings, as time goes on and the introverted guy becomes more socially adept (gains more experience and confidence), the differences basically disappear. The worst thing an introvert can do is to use his introversion as an excuse why he can't do something.

  4. This was a totally awesome read...You are skilled blogger in your delivery in written form.

  5. The (Not so) Nice Guy and the Jerk are actually the same person, the Jerk is just the next stage, what happens when the Gentle Facade falls. The point is both of them have a big void in their inner being, and one tries to get it through manipulation and the other resorts to outright violence -- the jerk is basically projecting vibes of fear and insecurity from his being and dragging everyone around him into that. Excluding an actual mental disease or being a psycopath, both the Nice Guy and the Jerk become poor team players on opposite sides of the spectrum and neither earn respect, nor can they inspire any one. The problem is the use of the word "Nice" that causes people to think that the alternative must be the Asshole. The Nice Guy basically behaves like a case of a woman's beliefs and practices encoded in a male. The true Alpha is that kind of a leader who knows the power of trust -- he doesn't need to cheat on those who he takes responsibility for, if there are problems, he will face them head on and his abundance mentality means he never enslaves himself to a relationship and is ready to walk out of a lost case at any point -- whether it is his relationships or his profession. This also means the True Alpha is a man of very high character, not just a woman charmer. The Nice Guy puts up with a lot of shit as he is needy for the relationship until he reaches his breaking point and becomes the jerk, leading to things as extreme as shooting people (If anyone noticed, most of these serial shooters go on a rampage due to pent up rage and desperation that has been simmering for many years). The Nice Guy almost usually ends up cheating, and too many people have preferred to kill their spouses out of fear of a divorce and the financial and legal issues that may result. At the very least he is in an unhappy personal and professional relationship due to feelings of self inadequacy and those who come into contact with such a man feel his negative vibes. Nope, not "nice" at all, only (not so) Nice Guys think they are nice, the truth couldn't be more different. A true alpha is an inspiration.

    1. John

      AUTHOR Jul 3, 2016 at 8:59am

      Wow, great comment! This is probably one of the best comments I have received so far. Thank you!

    1. Well, it all depends on you. For an average guy it's hard, but doable if he stays persistent.

  6. You realize, for every 1 true alpha male, there are 100 wannabe jerks? I would much rather take a confident beta-male, who is comfortable with his position, over a phoney wannabe.

    1. Yes, I call these kind of men are wannabe alphas - guys who try to imitate an alpha and fail, or totally miss the point of being one and act like jerks. These are usually guys who can't let go of their ego. And I agree with you, even a beta is a better choice for a woman than a wannabe.

  7. This is very interesting, You are a very skilled blogger. I have joined your feed and look forward to seeking more of your excellent post. Also, I've shared your site in my social networks!

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